SamY Scribbles

2010-04-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

ovvoru manidhanum thAn nEsippadhai thAne koNdru vidugirAn

sila paer oru muthathAlai. nAn orae oru sollAle.

God bless! (translate this yourself :P)

What did you get for me?

2010-02-27T23:39:00.002-08:00

Kids are amazing! I love them coz they are so open, honest and filled with happiness, for the most part unlike we grownups. I'd been to my uncle's place and his younger daughter (6 years old) asks me - "what did you get for me and my sister this time?". I couldn't help but have a happy laughter. Of course my uncle condemned her for asking it.

Then again in a day when she & I were sitting alone watching TV she asks me to get something the next time I come. Ha ha. I felt sooooo happy. And then I asked her what would she like me to get and she says - "I don't knoooow. I liked the dress you got me last time. So just think of something I'd like and GET it for me!". It was an order ;).

Their nagging is one part, but they are so adorable! Until they grow up i.e. Life is so full when we live like a child. Only we choose otherwise since we are "Grownups". Love my cousins!

Realizing it all

2010-02-13T16:50:00.002-08:00

First we are told that studies is everything and so we study hard so we can get onto a "dream" job with a "dream" salary. We are told that the world wouldn't be happy with us or treat us well if we don't. And then we work work not quite dedicating time to our families in hopes to see a world that would be happy about us. To prove our worth, so to speak.

Many of us still continue to believe that career is everything and live our lives that way. That having the best education, working in the top companies of the world etc. speaks of who we are. A friend of mine after lots of slogging and working like a dog realized that family matters most. Why? Coz every after he gave it all they said "you can do better". The truth is, the world will never be happy with you.

And this way some of us end up dedicating our lives for our family. And then there are those who have the courage to think that perhaps self is above family and venture into self realization. After all, the plethora and gods, their stories and scriptures are intended to realize the godliness within ourselves and live like gods. For some it takes discontentment in their family life to venture into it.

Its a shame to realize that we spend a lifetime to realize it all despite being bestowed with so much knowledge. We live indulging in the ways of the west only to realize their futility. Better yet, we mock those who have the courage to seek.

Waiting for the perfect moment

2010-02-06T22:56:00.003-08:00

I came across this a while back.

A college girl had got her dream scooter from her parents, but she never took it out on the streets. When her friends asked her she said - "I'll wait for the day when all traffic signals are green and then I'll take it out"!

This is how we tend to take life at times don't we? We wait for things to get perfect. Only it never does, and life could have been so much more if only we took chances despite its imperfections. Neither does taking chances guarantee anything, there is no certainty. Only an opportunity. Besides we've just got one life.

Missed opportunity

2010-01-03T19:28:00.003-08:00

Life gives you so many opportunities and yet we miss them owing to plain inaction. I guess it is true what they say - Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Am having a neat time here in Chennai and as part of my usual errands I was at HSB Fast Food Ashok Nagar for my breakfast. Like every now-and-then there was a pretty face who I kept eying on for a bit. No harm for I don't remember once having seen the same person again.

As I was bored waiting for my food I turned around at her and noticed her looking in my direction. (I wouldn't wanna get into thinking it was me.) I got my food and I took the same aisle as her but facing the other way for no particular reason. Perhaps to avoid it. Time pass over and I was relishing my breakfast.

And then I noticed her leaving for the wash and I realized it was "The End" as always. But to my surprise it wasn't. She came back for her coffee and this time stood right next to me. And I pretended not to be bothered and finished my pooris slowly and moved on. And I even managed to notice her staring at me for a bit standing just besides.

And then I was done and it was "THE END". For some strange reason I kept wondering why she kept starring at me? I wasn't even wearing any trousers without the zippers on or anything. But it made me wonder if I just missed an opportunity.

Yeah, I stood like an Idiot. Had it been one of my friends they'd have probably tried a pick up line and at least given a try. One of the handicaps of being nerdish.

The good thing is that this incident brought an interest in me for the so called pick-up lines :D. Any pointers? See, I am expanding ;). Only its too late. Darn these fantasies!

An Illusion

2009-12-01T08:05:00.002-08:00

adaivadar mun kadugEy AnAlum malayAy kATTi
adainda pin malayEy AnAlum kadugAi kATTum mAya manam
- Ramana Maharishi

Translation: Mind is that illusion which perceives a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as such a seed once it has been attained.

This quote came across my mind as I read the following story:

Once there lived a stone cutter. He was not satisfied with his position in life. One day he was passing through a wealthy merchant's house. Through the gate which was open, he noticed many possessions and important visitors in the merchants's house. He though that the merchant much be very powerful. He became jealous and wished that he could be like the merchant.

To his great surprise, the stone cutter suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined. One day, he was standing on the road when he saw a high official pass by. He was carried in a beautiful chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow down before the procession. He thought, 'How powerful that official is! I wish I could be a high official!'

Then, he became the high official, and he was carried everywhere in his beautiful chair. One day it was extremely hot, and he felt very uncomfortable in the sticky chair. He looked up at the sun. It was so bright and beautiful in the sky. He thought, 'How powerful the sun is! I wish that I could be the sun!'

He became the sun! And he enjoyed his powerful position over everything. One day, a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine of everything below. He was surprised. He thought, 'How powerful that hugh black storm cloud is! How I wish I could be a cloud!

He became the storm cloud, flooding the fields and villages. Soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. He thought, 'How powerful the wind is! I wish to become the wind!'

He became the wind and powerfully blew over the roofs of houses and through forests. Soon, he came across something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it. It was a huge and towering rock. He thought, 'How powerful that rock is! I wish to become the rock!'

Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. He thought, 'What could be more powerful than a rock?'

He looked down and saw a stone cutter far below him!

nenjukkul mutham ittAL

2009-11-29T23:19:00.004-08:00

For about a month now I am totally lost in the song(s) - kaNNathil muthammittAl. Be it the female / male version it reaches deep within me and takes me to a different plane; read with goose bumps.

Just when I was going crazy about it I got link to a youtube video (removed since *grrr*) of a girl singing the song in a malayalam talent show for kids. She had me in tears left me wanting for go prostrate at her feet. Silly as it may sound this is probably me gaining the vulnerability that I have been taught to loose.

As I write this I am wishing to feel this same feeling of bliss as the last thing I'd ever feel :).

Don't Worry

2009-11-13T12:34:00.001-08:00

Sometimes in life things get very uncertain. Something like cat on a wall. And for a while you worry what is gonna happen. Interestingly nothing might happen and yet we spend our time worrying. It is the fear that the society has instilled in us from childhood. After lot of contemplation you decide it not worth it and get on with other things in life.

But then people still continue to comfort you saying "Don't worry, everything will work out fine!". Agreed it is a moral support at a conscious level. But I wonder if all it would do is remind the person to worry :D. It kinda makes sure you don't forget to worry. He he.

What would it take to get over the fear driven attitude engraved as deep as our subconsciousness? I would wanna take a shot at it.

World Peace

2009-10-25T21:50:00.004-07:00

We all talk of world peace and how our life is inflicted by lack of peace in the world around us. I heard this story in context of explaining this.

A small kid was waiting on the shores of a sea. The kid's mother asked - "What are you waiting for? Why are you not taking your bath?".

The kid replied - "No No! Let all the waves settle down; then I'll take my bath."

This is how many of us are when it comes to peace. For certain we can make our perception of the world leave us without conflict and in peace. Yet, we disregard it and wait for the world to be in peace before we would.

On a related note, the more people try to bring peace in the world there only seem to be less of it ;). Think about it. Every war starts with the note to bring peace. It is interesting that we spend our efforts in vain efforts to bring peace to the rest of the world even before we realize peace within ourselves.

My Cousin Vinny

2009-10-04T00:55:00.002-07:00

After quite some time I saw this hilarious comedy thanks to my friends recommendation. It was much more convincing since he had watched it before.

Really neat movie with a nice entertaining flow all through. I can probably watch it again for the dialogues. If you ever get a chance to watch this movie please pay attention to the dialogues. Thats when you'd get the most fun out of it. A good movie for light hearted evening (perhaps not with the kids though).

And then this movie Surrogates! A sci-fi flick with the regular story and action. Something unexplained in the end, but otherwise watchable once. Not really thought provoking or anything. Not the first of its kind but interesting. Twists, turns and a happy ending.

Riculous Products

2009-09-04T09:08:00.003-07:00

Is it so hard for people to think how the customer would use a piece of software? Why in the world would someone write an installer for a piece of software that customers would potentially use only a few times on a machine? Beats my mind.

And so does Intel. I've been trying to use the Virtual XP Mode in Windows 7 and as part of the process I get advised to use in Intel Processor Identification Utility and check for the support. Now how many times would one want to use that? Not even a handful!

With such software plauging the PC world why wouldn't Windows suck? The OS is by itself a marvelous piece of work only surpassed by its monumental failure for having given power to the developers thinking they are *smart*. Most of them are NOT!

It is pretty disastrous to see a reputable software house coming up with something like this. End-customers end up paying the price for the developers technical inadequacies. Welcome to the world of bang-for-the-buck!

This is one reason why Apple products rule while the others plain suck. They let the customers do what they need to (for most part, read - bearing enterprise users), and not forcing them to do things coz of their engineers inadequacies. Apple split the consumer world into two - those who love Apple products and those who would do anything not to buy one just coz they want to be different (or can't afford blah blah blah) from the crowd.

Nothing else matters

2009-08-28T11:49:00.003-07:00

The only thing that matters in this world is me. Everything else is what I've been taught by society since I was a kid to hold on to, nourish, account for blah blah blah - family, friends, world affairs, work and all the diurnal things we do.

As long as these thing satisfies our ego we feel good about them and we live obliviously thinking they are the purpose of our existance. We happily faily to recognize that we exist despite it all.

But the moment they no longer satisfy my ego which at some point they will in our lives, it dawned on me that perhaps the ONLY thing that matters is me. Perhaps a fallback mechanism to fulfill my ego?

All of a sudden I don't care a damn about anything else! Don't care about the past, the future, those nearby, those far away. It all fades away, in my mind atleast if not my actions. All this while I keep up with all of the bondages, etiquette and nicety towards these attachments without any thought or deliberation. They seem to have become part of my reflexes.

Perhaps my situation is similar to those for whome every square meal is a struggle. Nothing else matters to them but to satisfy the hunger. Why would anything matter when in dire need of basic needs.

Strange that it is in our nature to live for the present moment while we spend a lifetime living for the so call future no one knows about. And here I am doing my part thinking so much instead of living my present, a plausible proof to my depraved mind.

Now, what a load of crap this was :D. I need a life!

Cameron is back with Avatar

2009-08-20T22:02:00.002-07:00

My most anticipated movie of this year. The Teaser Trailer was brilliant. ~ T-4 months and counting :).

No Opinions

2009-08-20T21:28:00.002-07:00

Off late I don't seem to have strong opinions or rather let go of em quite soon.

I had this feeling of disgust over some desi people but then I realized I am not too different. Just that we vary at the level of cheapness. Turns out that those were unacceptable for me, while it could be so about me for someone else.

Perhaps the reason why every time I think of making a post I dump it coz I feel it doesn't make sense! So much for a post :)

In spite of us

2009-07-17T22:16:00.003-07:00

Quite a while back I wrote a post on how we substantiate our existance in the name of others. Children substantiating their lives in the name of their parents, adults substatiating theirs in the name of their spouse and children.

We always have this thought that people depend on us and we have to live up for their comfort etc., in a way. But how often do you entertain the thought that they are going to be, "despite" us.

Imagine you cease to exist shortly. Every one of these dependents would continue to live one way or another, despite our absense. It is the very nature of existance - things exist despite others and not bound to the existance of others.

The only problem with this thought is it leaves people feeling of no importance, without attention and leaving their ego empty. Too much for the public I guess. Everyone wants to be a pillar and that they in as the purpose of their life.

On a related note, remember how we question the appropriateness of someone taking sanyAs, as we call it - "leaving their family behind". Lets put aside our instinctive counter arguments for a moment. It is all a matter of how we have been conditioned by society to look at this.

Try thinking beyong and perhaps you'll understand that everyone IS "Despite" you.

Following in AWE

2009-07-02T10:13:00.003-07:00

No it wasn't some lovely girl or something such :). It was just a blind man walking steadfast with his walking stick. All I felt was awe and zilch pity.

It was just amazing watching him navigate his way sensing the world with the end of a stick. He stood right at the pedestrian crossing waiting for the pedestrian signal and beeps to go.

I couldn't differentiate the beep between the direction I was to take and the perpendicular one. But he did :). We could say I never had to or haven't trained myself to do it. Bit still it was an awe moment.

He crossed the road at the signal and so flawlessly handled the curb. He was steadfast and in fact was walking quicker than I. Okie! he was tall and had a longer stride (and thats to satisfy my ego)!

After our ways split I wondered how I've taken my vision for granted and have never felt a pint of gratitude for it. And it reminded me of this anecdote -

A blind man went to a doctor who promised to restore his eyesight. The doctor explained it all and said - "Once you get your vision you wouldn't need you walking stick anymore. You can throw that away :).". The blind man got a little scared and asked - "I understand that I will be able to see, but how will I walk if I don't have my walking stick?"

Reminds me of how institutionalized we get to become as we "grow up".

The Madras Quartet is Back!!!

2009-06-18T11:03:00.006-07:00

After so many years of waiting (practically thavamAi thavamirundhu) for his next album the exuberance is finally here :). So fills my heart with bliss! If you are a fan of their first album - 'Resonance', you wouldn't wanna miss this.

rAgA saga is here folks! V S Narasimhan Sir and the Madras Quartet are Back!!!

Visit http://www.stringtemple.com for more information and to listen to music clips. Or search for V S Narasimhan in youtube and you'll find quite a treat incl. sneak peak into this album. More updates later.

My favourite for now is the Lalgudi G.Jayaraman's thillAnA set to dEsh. Brilliant rendition with a western touch! Love it.

After marriage

2009-06-07T11:25:00.004-07:00

Swamy gave his friend Sarathy a puppy as a wedding gift.

Three months later they meet each other on the street.

Swamy: "How is married life?"

Sarathy: "Oh just a few small changes over time, that's all"

Swamy: "What changes?"

Sarathy: "In the beginning, your puppy used to bark at me, and my wife used to bring me the newspaper. Now, my wife barks at me, and your puppy brings me the newspaper!"

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are purely fictitious. Resemblance of the names to anyone is purely unintentional.

The scare of a marriage reception

2009-05-25T09:37:00.002-07:00

Off late a good number of people I've known have got married and I've had a chance to be at the reception or look at those photos. And there is more coming in the months (gawd save me)! One thing that I see time and time again is the bride being atrociously gaudy in an attempt to look great.

I just don't get it. Most of these women look horrendous wearing eye-lashes, lip-stick, glitter and what not! They look much better being their normal self. And for many it is a first time too and they try it all. I know they have pressures from people to do it all but when they have all the sense to take all the trouble to make sure of a good partner they just give up on this even though they have a bitch of a look?

Perhaps they think the one night farce is not worth an effort :). Anyway, who am I to say what people should / should not do.

On the bright side, I met a bride who took the onus of the entire expense of her marriage from her parents. Every single penny of it :). I am so used to seeing brides and grooms eating on their parents hard earned life savings into their marriages. Huge sums spent into attire which they wouldn't wear in their lives but on that day. When the D-day arrives everyone seems to give in to the temptation. Perhaps I will too.

It was a pleasant surprise to see someone taking on the onus of that. Thats the hard way to know what your wishes, fantasies and moments of a lifetime cost. Wonder if I he what it takes to do it, when the time comes! Do you?

Justifying our existence

2009-04-28T00:26:00.005-07:00

So many things in our lives seem like a way to justify our existence. It starts right from birth. But here are a few things that come up in the phase of life I am in.

Family - Parents justify their existence for their children. Children when they grow up justify their existence fir their parents. Its a catch 22-situation you see. A great way nature has come up with ensuring the survival of the human species. And then of course marriage. Since children outlive parents it is another way to justify our existence.

I am seeing more and more that society has conditioned our minds to justify our existence for others, and it is the same with other. Interestingly if not for this mutual thing I wonder how many of us would have a urge to exist. Reminds me of how old people just cease to exist when they reach a point when they no longer see a purpose for our existence.

Most part of people's life if you'd notice is only justified by those around them. Very little of it is lived for the individual.

Agent Smith was right indeed ;). Not to be idealistic but perhaps we should live more for thyself just for those around us. Now I get this thought that these "enlightened gurus", saadhus, saints and kind live more for themselves than we do.

Siva Manasula Sakthi ... Bleady Fantastic

2009-04-08T00:52:00.003-07:00

This is by far one of the most fantastic movies that I have seen. Off-late I am seeing a trend of some good movies in Tamil. This one definitely tops my list. It had all the elements of a movie in good proportion. I am seriously out of words. The movie was full of surprises. Sorta comparable to kungfu-panda :D. It was great drama in all. I'd love to own my own copy of it ;). You heard me!

The best part was that it reminded me of instances from my life. Dialogues that are considered taboo but those I've listened to in real. Word to word! There were so many things I could associate with my life. Petty things scattered across the movie that so reflected things from my life. Perhaps that explains my liking for it.

Apart from the main story line, the simple backdrop captivated me. Amongst movies which all portray the unreal since most people don't want to see what they experience for in real this movie really stands testament to how much can be said with the simplicity of our day to day lives. Brilliant piece of work!

GMail Autopilot

2009-04-01T01:08:00.005-07:00

At first I was like WTH and then I realized it was April 1st :). I don't quite remember what google did last year but I vaugly remember something to do with space or something called google paper. It was interesting then as well.

Looks like I am getting better at not making a fool of myself these days ;). He he.

Guyz at google are indeed innovative. Check it out here - http://mail.google.com/mail/help/autopilot/index.html. You can also see a "New! Gmail Autopilot" in the top of you gmail screen.

The Illogical us

2009-03-17T10:58:00.003-07:00

You might have wondered and awe at how logical a creature the human beings are. What if you realize it aint so.

The next time you make a decision or come to a conclusion, think about it. In mostly likelihood you would have made the judgement right at the start and then just assimilated those facts that apparently lead to a logical conclusion to your judgement. You don't see the rest which disprove it.

Interestingly we apply our mind only after we have a thought. Once you have a thought it either creates a chain reaction in you or outside of you both potentially leading to something undesireable.

So they urge humans to train themselves to apply / put your mind before your thought. If only we could understand this well we could plausibly be better at not being led by our thoughts.

Magical moments in life

2009-03-12T10:39:00.003-07:00

Everytime I watch a little child explore its environment it leave me in awe and all smiles :). A magical moment! It keeps reminding me how conditioned mind has become to the dogma of society, how unexplorative we are now and how we have lost that child in us. This is probably the reason I enjoy my time being with those kids than people of my age. I want to be that child in me while the society want me to grow up! And I just don't seem any good at living up to it :p.

There are so many such magical moments in life. Many of them don't last, some are an illusion, some purely biological driving us beyond sanity. And the some are plain false. Even though you felt it for real, it just wasn't true. Then we slowly begin to and condition our minds to accept them. We call this learning. Subjugating ourselves to just accept it in the name of understanding. Why? Coz we need a purpose to live.

I seriously now feel that the very purpose of our lives have become to find a purpose for our very existence, trying to justify an existence with a meaning and purpose we concoct. Does that sound familiar to you? ;)

And it is interesting that for many the purpose of their lives is to help others in their life indirectly fueling their quest for a purpose to theirs. Life is weird!

The complaisance in us

2009-03-09T21:51:00.002-07:00

Some of us over time have become a bit environment conscious. But then you meet people from other cultures who are least bothered. And more so insolent about it.

I know people who keep the window blinds closed and turn on the light ALL through the day! The excuse they give? So what is it consumes more electricity!

People who refuse to use reuseable shopping bags instead of plastic bags. Reply - everyone is using plastic so why should I not!

People who leave the tap open while most of the water drains only using it once in a while. Reply - I can't open and close the tap everytime!

Can't change these people. They just wouldn't coz of their ego even if something is said rationally. I somehow just loose respect for such a person when I see they don't have a respect for their environment. It shows me how social irresponsible they are.

It costs nothing to help the environment but a little effort here and there. No one is asking you to BE GREEN! And I don't see it coming into our society unless these are inculcated in the young as part of their education. Can't changes the stubborn headed people. But young minds can definitely imbibe the social responsibility.

The whole point is it is pointless trying to make your point!

A long lost passion back in action :)

2009-02-25T19:43:00.004-08:00

Kit # 8297
Off-Roader

2009-02-03T22:22:00.001-08:00

Life has reduced to reading Dilbert and Calvin and Hobbes fortnightly! Not good!

Ratatouille Rocks!

2009-01-31T00:04:00.003-08:00

I know I haven't been upto date on movies. I've given up trying to. As each day passes by I only seem to get lesser and lesser time to do things I'd love to. Jeez! that sounds like a sign of aging :D.

Wall-E did not appeal to me that much. I liked it but it was probably the lack of dialogues that didn't make it that great to me. It was cute u know, robots making love and all that. But hey!, movies are supposed to be imaginative of a better world. An imaaginary one we call atlantis.

This rat story was AMAZING! It was not the story or anything but the imagination these guyz had to pull something like this off. My hats off to those folks. And yeah, they did make it a point to mention some things really important to them ;). Guts!

Who'd have imagined such loveable rats? I know its hard to come by in the real world. But hey! Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you get next. Only we stop imagining constraining ourselves to the whimps of the "society".

After quite a while a movie left me all smiles in the end and in a totally positive mood. Seriously I've been lacking that for god knows how long :p. Somehow action, sci-fi & romance seem to have vanished from my favourites list.

And maaaan Colette :D, soooo fine! Hmmmm, the reality is sooo far away from imagination. There is only so much in your hand. Or so we think!

No one can ever be wrong about this if ...

2009-01-17T00:16:00.001-08:00

If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you'll most certainly be right

Pain for pleasure

2009-01-01T15:09:00.002-08:00

What do you do when that which gives you most pleasure leaves you in pain. How much can you bear it just for the pleasure.

Ever since I broke my collar bone I've been developing this pain in my arm everytime I play my violin for long *grrrr*. Esp. when its a tough song in which I suck. Well, I suck at pretty much most of em but still it just give me so much happiness. I'll probably never play for someone elses liking :D, but hey at least I enjoy it :p.

So yeah, I am trying to not suck at playing the violin and all I get in return is an nice ache. I even went to the doctor once over this and this is what he said.

If playing violin gives you the pain then stop playing. Or else just get used to the pain!

So nice of him ;). And yeah if I got to enjoy playing my violin then I got to get used to this pain as well. Great!

vedikAlai kaNavu

2008-12-30T22:46:00.002-08:00

There is a say in tamil which says the dreams you have early in the morning just before you wake up come true. I never believed in it and I don't. Maybe it is so because that is something people tend to remember compared to the rest of your dream.

But it has happened to me many a times. Co-incidence I say! At least three times until now that I can vividly remember. NO, I am not talking of fantasy dreams :p. Am talking of those involving people in our lives. One of those where you wonder if it is a dream or for real :). Ones where you know it is a dream after waking up.

For once, rather the 1st time that I can remember it turned out to be on a very happy note ;).

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY YEAR AHEAD :). Yippieeeeeeeeeee!

Missing it all

2008-12-14T19:17:00.003-08:00

Just called to wish close friends on their betrothal function. Amidst all the talking I heard "evarani nirNayincirirA" set to dEvaamrutavarshani on the nAdaswaram in the background. Realized how much I miss it all.

Change of mind

2008-12-10T17:29:00.003-08:00

I usually listen to songs before seeing the video. Of course my first impression is based on how it sounds.

I loved the songs from the movie "Sakkarakatti", i.e. until I saw the videos. Esp. the song "I miss you miss you da". Chinmayi had sung the song so nicely and it had a magical touch to it. I can't believe the movie makers made such a bad video for it. YUK! I haven't had the courage to see the video for the other.

It was the other was around for varaNam Ayiram. I listened to the song "anal mElE panithuLi" not even once before I decided to skip. It felt soooo sad. Only when I saw the movie I realized it was more of bouncing back than remorse. I listen to it now-a-days even though it ain't great :p. And I've become a bigger fan of the song "mun dhinam pArthEnE" after seeing the video. Loved the classy touch to it :). The video for "nejukkuL peidhidum" was tantamount to the song. No disappointment or changes there ;).

Any such reversals that you've experienced?

Interesting article at the aftermath

2008-12-08T17:48:00.002-08:00

http://6ampacific.com/2008/12/07/wanted-an-indian-yes-we-can/

Kannamoochi Ennada

2008-12-06T01:33:00.002-08:00

Just finished watching this movie I've been wanting to see for ages. This movies comes next to "Kanda Naal Mudhal" in my favourite list. Such fine drama on the screen. Its not entirely practical and the dramatic scenes are just perfect. Just what you'd (I'd) want for on silver screen. Enough masala and parody but never too serious. Thoroughly loved it!

The big downside to the movie was Sandhya. She was probably cute but somehow she didn't fit well as it got serious, where it demanded acting. But much much better than the roles many others get to do in the field.

Only there was one dialog that left me in reminiscience. Maybe it is a problem with men. We need to solve problems one way or another. It becomes such an obsession. Unsolved problems are worse than the problem itself.

The last two weeks are testament to it. I've been spending so much time on trying so do something and I just wouldn't accept it can't be. I gave it everything. It was always on the back of my mind. Only when I understood why I can't have my way did I move forward :D. What comforted me was that I understood what was the limitation preventing from getting the results.

Unfortunately I've not been so lucky with other unsolved problem past. Rather things I still can't quite comprehend but yet had to accept. I've been running around all through this year trying to ignore ... Even tried ignoring it, but ironically you can ignore something consciously coz invariably you are only paying more attention to it that way.

Right now all I can do is go to sleep replenishing my eyes for more of such misty moments, hoping that when I'd wake up with fresh thoughts. Life has been stagnant for almost a year now. Mebbe tomorrow it will make some progress.

Male Dominant Society

2008-12-05T21:33:00.003-08:00

I got this mail from a friend of mine. Sure to make you smile and think in the end ;).

When a Girl Cries ------------ The World "Consoles" her
But when a boy cries ---------- Come on man don't be A "Girl"

If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"
If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"
If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting" (very very true)

If a Girl meets with accident ------------------- Then its "mistake of others"
If a Boy meets with same accident ------------ Bloody you "don't know how to Drive"

AND, you call this world "A male-dominant society"! *huh*

Its all about feeling good!

2008-12-02T17:40:00.003-08:00

One the one had you have people who murder scores of people for a (, rather in the name of a) cause. And they feel good about it and no remorse as others see it.

The person admits he has no remorse (which is expected of a person comiting such an act). Yet people are aghast over it! Would a remorse from that person make these people feel any better? Why expect such a thing. This ain't a movie!

And then these people feel helpless yet irate over it all. So to make themselves feel better, in the name of solidarity blah blah blah they decide to do a candle / silence vigil. In honour of people who dies to save their way of living.

They ramble and express their sadness so much and most of these people will forget about the people who lost their lives in a few months, until the next! Why? Coz they don't know what else to do other than question sitting in comfort of an A/C room or donating an amount for the relief operation.

How does the candle light vigil help? Maybe it would make the families of those who lost dear ones feel that the whole nation is with them. Only to be forgotten in no time!

They all want to do something but then don't. Too much trouble. So what difference did they make with the vigil? They moaned! And yes of course, prepare and deliver speaches. Did that sound familiar? Politicians? Election Campaign?

Words and no actions. (At least politicians have an accountability factor. Its another matter how much they care about it.) Thoughts but no action. Why? Coz they want to feel "good".

I am not against these vigils or prayers, but I fail to see the point. They just spend money, flowers, candles, renting out a place, logistics and all, and for what? That money and better the effort could be better spent on helping someone better their life, doing what it takes to thwart re-occurrence of such events. But then again that is also about feeling doing something to feel "good".

So now we have three groups.

Those who don't moan and get on with their life. These people get the world back on their feel quickly.
Those who moan, feel good about it and then forget it all just as quickly as the previous bunch.
Those who put the effort to make a difference to the future by acting on it.

I hardly see any difference between the 1st two. For it is the 3rd who do what has an impact irrespective of how they feel.

Reminds me of merovingian stating in the matrix reloaded how we humans are so not in control and all that matters is the way we feel!

An interesting read at the onset of the untoward events lately - http://6ampacific.com/2008/11/30/better-security-takes-money-and-willpower/.

In the wake of attacks on mumbai

2008-11-26T14:35:00.002-08:00

Read this - http://www.deccanherald.com/CONTENT/Sep152008/scroll2008091590090.asp?section=frontpagenews.

Notice that the article is dated Sep 15. And yet these events in Mumbai.

I will agree to the fact that it is easy to be in my position and make statements. But the with the current situation it looks like the government is helpless in defending its people AND self from such terrorists attack.

If am not surprised we are not gonna see much but for people getting ahead with it after hearing a statement of condemn from the PM. With all due respect to that chair I hope the PM is doing more than just condemn.

Only this time terrorists took a plausibly genuine issue for an excuse!

2008-10-29T23:11:00.002-07:00

You keep cruising along your life and then you read these words as you pass along and they make you forget everything around you, everything thats is real and lost in memories.

Incidentally its when you hear this - whats in your head doesn't matter when you hearts all empty!

Well Well :).

2008-10-23T22:30:00.002-07:00

Sometimes what you get in life is not quite what you want although you thought so. All of a sudden all that you held onto don't make sense. It's there right upfront but you dont want to accept it anymore. Coz you realize after a while that what has really come about is that your mind complies to the conditioning you are subjected to rather than your dream. Life doesn't seem to head towards the purpose you once thought it did. Instead you feel you are chasing someone else's dream. With the purpose of your life so murky living seams so meaningless. It feels weird.

2008-10-17T22:37:00.003-07:00

Sometimes people come in your life and move things around like moving furnitures around in a room. We try to move things back to where they were but it doesn't quite work that way. What you moved together can't quite be moved by self. Some changes in life are here to stay.

Like a wise man once said - one often meets his destiny on the way you take to avoid it ;). Would I? Would we?

I thought silence would kill me

2008-10-11T00:04:00.002-07:00

But for some reason I seem to be enjoying it.

For once I am able to listen to myself - my breath, my stomach, my thoughts without any distractions. The best part being my thought process is so very selfish :D since its just a game of survival now.

Oh well! I just gave up to lack of noice without a choice :).

Bomb Threat Questionnaire

2008-10-09T15:35:00.002-07:00

Questions to Ask:
1. What time will the bomb explode?
2. Where is it?
3. What kind of bomb is it?
4. What will cause it to explode?
5. What does it look like?
6. Where are you calling from?
7. Why did you place the bomb?
8. What is your name?

All of it makes sense but what comes to your mind when you read through this on a lighter note?

2008-10-05T04:44:00.002-07:00

Time and again I feel am leaving behind something I shouldn't be. It leaves me sooo hollow with a heavy heart reluctant to move forward.

You wait and push for something to happen and then when it does you wish it doesn't coz of the above feeling. Its driving me nuts.

If only wishes can come true without having to do much, even though I know that it never does. Hmmmm.

2008-09-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

When all is swell and everything is going on smooth you still sometimes get an eerie feeling about it all. Like the silence before the storm. Premonitions from the subconscience.

Can't describe it in words. Its probably something am not willing to accept or even acknowledge. Pretension perhaps.

Since I don't know what it is, all I can do is hope that in time I will learn to ignore it blindly just as I've had to do with somethings in life. What I hate the most about this is how lax I am making that feeling the scapegoat. *grrrr*

Love with a virtual person

2008-09-26T04:49:00.000-07:00

Saw this movie 13th floor off-late and then a chain of thoughts. For someone who loves the Real Adventures of Johny Quest (esp. the episodes with Quest World) and 'The Matrix' there is no choice about liking this movie. I had these random and two parallel track of thoughts firing chaotically. So lemme keep em separate.

The second my readers might find it interesting so lemme get rid of the first quickly. It about reality. Much like stated in texts around the philosophy of the matrix you never know if you are in the real world, for what you believe is real could just be electrical pulses and circuit boards. Neither movies talk of that explicitly coz movies need a happy ending and people don't like to leave a theatre with more questions than answers. But they did leave me thinking.

Makes me wonder if we are just program links to being in the after-world. And when we die we become part of em. That sorta contradicts population explosion :D. But some of my friends say that this is pretty much what is being said in the Vedas and some other sacred text. Only we today brand it in the name of science and technology while those days all that was there was religion and philosophy.

Time an again I just end up with the conclusion that humans get inebriated when we get to make a choice even if it were one we were made to take ;). We are so addicted to it. But this time the line of thought I summarized in the second part of the post came into my mind

Fundamentally all humans being are egotists who are fanatic about the choices they make in their lives, living out their lives justifying the choice in the name of joy / satisfaction etc.

It doesn't matter if the person actually made a choice or no but as long as the person feels they did they are happy. Gosh am talking in Absolutes now!

Apart from the sci-fi side of the movie there was a sublime aspect to it. Like manirathnam puts it, the easiest topic and one that looks most beautiful on the silver screen - Love.

In this movie the female lead falls in love with a being in the virtual world. It might sound hilariously silly as it may sound but it does happen in our world (even if it weren't the real) without us quite realizing it. This thought immediately reminded me of this movie - "You've got a mail". It sorta got me into thinking that its not the physical being per-se that such love are built on but rather the character as portrayed by the other being (real or virtual). And it only works as long as you are able to see that character in the other being. Unfortunately change is the only constant. I wonder if this is why people keep changing their partners. When I come to think of it, it might not be all that wrong. What if you had a virtual world with virtual beings with whom you could live and not put up a minute more than you choose to, such as when they no longer have the character you once loved. I know its too far fetched, sounds unethical and mebbe even gross. But we are all just entwined in a thirst to make choices which eventually gratifies our senses and makes us feel important or in control. What would you do then?

Some people call such an act lack of culture or value. Hmm. That makes me wonder if culture can be as dogmatic as religion. Am not surprise the two are so related or derived.

This again got me into thinking about people and compatibility. (A conversation I had off-late sparked this). I somehow feel that no two people in this world are compatible. And its only a matter of time till you hit the incompatible zone and things bomb. I somehow felt people who seemed to be compatible are not (necessarily - that was for people who believe such things exists) people who really are but who choose to be so.

It is a choice, not fate. Sometimes we feel things have got to the end of the road and that it was not meant to be, never. We start substantiating with a million reasons for why it wasn't meant to be so. On the other side the same person found a million reasons for it to be so. Does the word incompatibility ring bells in your mind now? I see it more as a will than something consequential or pre-destined. Blaming it on something external (such as incompatible, fate, never meant to be so) are words and phrases we use as a scapegoat. To make it lighter on ourselves.

Now that I've written so much crap let me finish this with one question. Have you ever experienced being in love with a virtual being (someone without physical presence in proximity or in this world) or known people who do? What is it like?

No questions on the former as its more of what you choose to believe in :p.

Reflections of reality

2008-09-24T07:13:00.002-07:00

I usually watch movies with an awe and yes sometimes I do get glued to movies like 'The Matrix' kind. But not too often have I seen movies that reflect reality.

During the past few movies I watched on the silver screen there have been so many instances where I felt it was said at me. Not too strangely they are true incidents in my life which were being portrayed and the situation not too dissimilar except for the dramatics. It was Déjà Vu for me, as if a reflection of the real, from the past on the silver screen. As if I was looking back in time and hearing words which were spoken from the eyes of another person.

Only movies have the leverage to twist the tale to a happy ending. Unfortunately life is a bit more rude; we just decide to be happy with what we have not willing to make compromises. In a movie those compromises are considered sweet, making it like in a fairy tale enticing us to wish for it in real life. But when it comes to life outside the theater walls we consider them unworthy or we lack the courage to do what it takes!

They say life is filled with signs and hints to decide on the road to take ahead. Am wondering if we have become self conceited to ignore em all and do things otherwise. The catch is you'll never know what a road has to offer until to step in. Unfortunately many such roads that we take in our lives are one-way ;).

Life is weird I say!

Out of place

2008-09-14T08:30:00.004-07:00

Sometimes you stand watching the world only to a vertigo effect.

You are wide awake (not dreaming) but you feel like you are standing while the camera thatz focusing on you makes a vertigo effect. Its your mind which acts as the camera looking at you. The vertigo effect means that your mind knows the world around is distorted and it feels disorienting. Disturbed!

But then thats how reality is :). Just like all the others we pretend and cruise along.

All of a sudden I get this feeling that I don't know myself! I don't feel like myself. Crap, but still :D. It was probably the effect of being at the terrace, high above all :).

In memory of his guru

2008-09-12T21:21:00.007-07:00

Just one amongst the many many lives that a legend from Perumthottam shaped :). What can I say - proud to have been born in you lineage!

Dear Sri Nathan,

Words are but frail substitutes and poor vehicles to express my sense of gried on the sad demise of my revered Guru - your father.

The other day, when I came to share my feelings with you, you were away performing rites & hence this letter.

The association with your father cannot be measured by the number of years that I work with him but by the quality of relationship that existed between us. It was beyong the conventional realm of friendship / philosopher / guide.

If I could boast of any little knowledge of banking, it was all due to the strong foundation that he laid for me. He was a colossus among the giants of his time. Not a day passed without the then Regional Manager phoning my guru seeking some reference in current / past circular issued by Head Office under various headings. He was a repository of knowledge yet humble and had not pretentions if he was unaware if a thing. Though wedded to the profession as a management expert he carefully divided his time between the chores of domestic front and officialdom.

A loving father, devoted husband, the patriarch of the joint family, a disciplinarian, administrator, he guided everyone in the right direction in their own fields. At workplace, he never let down anybody and had the moral courage to shoulder the responsibility for the mistakes commited by his subordinates. He had a large heart to praise the staff in front of others and chide them for their faults in private. I may required reams of paper and barrels of ink to describe his handling of men and matters during his banking career. Hence I confine only to what comes uppermost in my mind.

He never minced matters when opinion was sought on issues. He was respected by management and unions / associations. A rare event those days. He used to draw lines even in an informal chatting so that none exceeded the limit, unwittingly even inviting comments.

At a time when "overtime" income was considered to be the principal income and "salary" as subsidiary income, due to his time management and shuffling of staff, the payment of overtime was the minimal wherever he headed.

His style of inspection of hypothecated godwns / stocks was not a mere ritual. In the presence of the customer himself he would correlate the movements of stock and operation in the current a/c so that the borrowers never fudged figures & always kept on tenter hooks.

As I said earlier, his deeds cannot be confined to writing on a fullscape paper. He was an encyclopedia & I had the previlidge to read it from close quarters.

I have no words to console other than saying God alone is the consoler and Time along is the healer.

Yours Sincerely
G.Ganesan

2008-09-07T22:52:00.002-07:00

So many things happening and changing in life has left my mind Fickle & Uneasy! Hmm. Don't know what to do. The problem is choice!

Don't blow too hard ;)

2008-09-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

As trivial as it may seem it is NOT. The highlight of it was the following, which I never knew until today :(.

Avoid blowing your nose too hard. Too much pressure will force infectious drainage into your ears and sinuses.

Who would have imagined! My Doctor asked me not to blow I never listened just coz he never said why! Rather all he said was that blowing nose is a torture to your nostril which al already inflamed.

Its the second day now and am thankful that I was able to sleep a bit last night at least. The previous night featured tossing and turning around until I was too tired to stay awake which wasn't too far from when my alarm struck. I knew all the pain had to be something with my blowing the nose like that. And then I bumped into this - How to blow your nose. As silly as it may sound people like me would appreciate it :p.

It wouldn't take more than a minute so do read it. It can save you from a few bad days ;).

Weird

2008-09-03T02:15:00.004-07:00

A get away from life would be nice! Would be nice if I can go with a blank mind :).

Honoured ...

2008-08-30T10:43:00.004-07:00

It was an honor to watch V.S.Narasimhan Sir, VVS, G.S.Mani, Srivatsava and Chandru Sir on stage all together. Such a rarity I say. I sooo wanted to have my copy of Resonance album autographed by Sir V.S.Narasimhan Sir himself :). It would be a blessing for me. Only later did I realize that I gave it away as a gift. Its one album that I have loved to listen to since my school days. It never ceases to leave me in bliss. What can I say - an opportunity I missed.

Such humility :-o, my hearty pranams to you Sir :). Hope I get a chance to meet you some day and get your blessings.

Btw it was CARVA's Anniversary Festival for the year 2008.

You come home Zoned out and sick only to realize you are pretty much along even though technically otherwise. Life has changed and all things said and done you are on your own. Hmm. Perhaps I've become old. Guess I was on low energy levels. Hmm.

On the bright side I guess I gave a few people something they'd wanted for long :). A little happiness that I could offer to others. And surprises too :D. Gives me some gratification. Might not be appreciated by all but, nevertheless.

Somethings we forget!

2008-08-28T03:02:00.004-07:00

Your mind takes a while to understand and get things into it. And sometimes by the time it gets it you got to let it go of your system. Hmm, and we are hardly ever aware of it.

Sometimes event the music that cheers you up can leave you hollow and a heavy heart. I don't know why so often and why in the 1st place. Hmm.

2008-08-24T08:51:00.003-07:00

You never know what you are leaving behind when you move on in life. Life has changed so much for me since the new year. Only now has the turbulence mitigated and clear skies seemed to be on the way :). Good times so to speak.

So much I (had to) shed and so much I gained. And here comes a time when sweet rain seems not too right. For all I know I could be leaving behind something I shouldn't be in search for something that I'd probably never find nor does it exist. It eerie and uncomfortable. Its not fear. Its just that I wonder if am too demanding on myself lost in a race that no one ever wins. The winners are only those who pick their rewards as it comes instead of ignoring em and hunting for a bigger treasure.

I guess not all things in life come along in our journey of life. I can only hope that I don't repent for what I will leave behind. Like I always say to near & dear ones, we tend to hunt for gold all our lives not knowing it were there with us all the time.

The ironical part is you can never be sure about it! *duh* ;). Guess life is a gamble after all. One where you just decided that the choices you made are all for good to feel good about it all, howsoever it may turn out. For now I can only take what it has to offer. No more dare devil stunts this year :D. That's not me, but let me give it a try :).

For now I can only go along the wind.

Finally what my folks always wanted!

2008-08-23T09:51:00.002-07:00

When I used to slouch as a kid my aunt used to come and knock my back asking me to sit straight :). She used to threaten me that she'd fix a wooden stick along my back to make me sit erect if I don't comply =))! Ha ha! Although I consciously try to sit erect as it feels good, though its not comfortable for long. I end up slouched when I get cozy or bogged down with my code not working :D. Seriously this is definitely one useful gadget for something we all tend to ignore.

I just wanted people to know that this is on my wish list :p. Anybody wanna get this for me? (So shameless of me *duh*.)

Green peace

2008-08-21T21:39:00.005-07:00

Imagine you look up at the clear sky and you find trees from the sides mushrooming over the path you stand in. Leaves appear in golden green and the dew drops sparking in the sunlight. Its as if the tree was decorated with glitter. The sun comfortably hiding behind some branches and showing nature in all its glory. Beautiful display of colours and hardly any sound but for those of the branches and the mild cold wind which picks up the hair blocking the view. It was as if god opened up the door to another world.

As I watched I noticed the sweet singing of some unknown bird. It was too high to spot but it was hopping on a branch everytime it voiced the music. Bliss to the ears while amidst the tranquility of nature. As I was prying to get a good view of it a gust of wind shook the branches and the tree showered me with dew drops. I was out looking for some warmth at heart and these cold dew drops did their trick :). I closed my eyes to feel it for a while taking a deep breath and *tok*, twigs fell on me waking me up from my blissful indulgence. But this was one that made me don a smile of satiety. Don't remember when was the last time I had such a smile :p.

I continued to look for the bird and a *splotch* sound beside me. It was a crow that decided to bomb. Then I realized where the idea of aircraft bombers must have come from :D. Imagine the amount of bombing the guy could have gone through ;) or maybe he just thought nature was brilliant. He he. I was fortunate to have been outside the blast radius and I decided not to play dice any more :D. So I moved on as usual.

This incident sort of reminds me of how we fail to recognize things that make us happy day-to-day. Instead we run around hunting for those that give a rush and doesn't last. It reminded me of how much I've taken for granted people and things very much around me which leave me happy from the inside and instead I go in search of ephemeral bliss. Like they say in tamizh - "irukaradhe vittu illadhadhukku parakkaradhu". For the benefit of those who don't quite get that tamizh verse, its like hunting for gold all life only to realize later that you were always sitting on top of a gold mine. Only you never realized it and now its gone ;).

Sadashivnagar park has become quite an asset to me. Almost daily I take a walk past it just to unwind my mind and my eyes. This is probably the best thing about Bangalore - the lovely parks :). Every time I walk past I notice the gardener who diligently tends to the plants making them blossom at their best for those who come to take a walk filling their lungs with fresh breath. Interestingly he stays oblivious to those innumerable couples who find it a place for love making (now I don't mean talking). I guess he sees a life beyond that.

Such walks usually end in an introspective conversation with my other self for various reasons. But one of these days I just wanted to shut down my mind from thinking :D. (Don't ask why.) It was the most beautiful sight and experience when I looked up. Its been raining every now and then here and the trees are sooooo beautiful. I stopped for a few seconds and my eyes were misty.

I don't have a camera here so I wanted to remember that sight so I can perhaps paint in someday. This reminds me that I was good at drawing and painting at school. This weekend am gonna go over those countless certificates I got at various competitions :). I wanted to indulge in something very different. Keep reminding me to post a picture of my last sketch - a tortoise, ha ha. I am sure I've preserved it somewhere although the paper would have become a bit pale. Let me dig that this weekend.

On Morality

2008-08-20T20:36:00.000-07:00

An Interesting thought :)

A Facade?

2008-08-19T05:40:00.001-07:00

Am making a bunch of generalizations here but these are just based on my observations in life.

People who seem very mature at the outside aren't quite so in real. Its just how they want people to see them and recognize them - as mature grownups, while they are indeed not. Half their time is spent in projecting themselves to people as this perfect person. Making an impression is what matters. Being the raw you is considered uncouth. Life is spent for the society and taking pleasure in their praises.

One might argue that you become what you believe in. But there is a fine line b/w that and not recognizing ones true self. Instead people become this person whom everyone admires. Like the coach says in Rocky - you spend half your time being a gentleman rather than what you are within. Need I explain the rest?

And then these people who seem like a joker / crack pot are usually quite mature when it comes to life. These people talk non-sense, make a fool of themselves never quite bothering what others think of them. At least that (how others perceive them) doesn't take priority over being themselves. Coz most of these people don't need others to assert their worth. There are some who go to the extreme of living in their world of glory while I have predominantly seen the others live true to self.

I guess one of the above characteristics dominate in each one of us. Ever took time to wonder which one dominates in you?

2008-08-16T10:37:00.004-07:00

They all (read well wishers) say I ain't wrong in doing so. But I know I am :|. I guess there is only one other person who can truly understand. Those piercing eyes on my table seem to look into me asking - Why? Hmm, usually I find em to be eyes that watch over me. Not at this moment. Tainted! What else can I say. Walking away doesn't help.

Guess its like they say - beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I am only seeing and hearing that which I want to, not as they are - which ironically is again only perception.

Marathon tomorrow early morning :). Although not quite the same. Hmm.

Strange Connections

2008-08-14T18:12:00.003-07:00

Yesterday there was heavy rains and Bangalore and then the inevitable - traffic jams. Apparently the traffic was jammed all the way from race course to Majestic and people just decided to walk. I was a bit fortunate in that the auto guy tried all directions before giving up and said this is as close to my destination as he could get (within 10 mins walk).

Thats how the evening started. My experience led me to be cool over how late the bus would leave. I was traveling by the 9:30 bus which came in at 10:45 and left majestic at mid-night. So it was 3 guyz sitting in the last row and exchanging gyaan on our experiences with Bangalore and travelling to Chennai. Later this dudette joined in and was blessed with a seat with water dripping from the top. Once we adjusted and got settled the conversations started. Unfortunately the other two guyz dozed off promptly :( even before the bus moved.

Apparently my company HR and she were roommates and thats where the conversation started. And that gal and I were yapping until 3/3:30 am. It was as if we were friends for long and were catching up. Apparently she was a Arian and I was pretty spot on at how Arians are from my personal experience. Only when the bus-driver took a break at about 2:30 for his dinner did we introduce ourselves by our names. Btw, her name was Sharmila :). Finally we decided to catch some sleep by 3:30. Our bus hit CMBT terminus at 6am. I helped her to the bus stop where she could get a MTC bus to her destination and we parted our ways after extending our wishes for Independence Day and otherwise :).

Strange thing was that she grew up in Bangalore and me in Chennai but that was never the topic of discussion :). It went on to so much that we even ended up talking about snoring too. I guess an explanation as to what brought that up is unnecessary ;).

In fact I mentioned to her that - "this is perhaps the first time that I have made such a long conversation (a.k.a yapping) with a random stranger!", and she too agreed :). Very unlikely that we'd ever meet up ever in our lives again but this will always be a journey I'll remember, as the one where I was aimlessly yapping with a fellow passenger until 3:30am.

Ha ha, me and yapping. A lot of my friends wouldn't even believe :p. Even I can't, esp. being someone for whome making a conversation with people is so hard. I guess it depends on the other person too. Perhaps I make easy friends with Arians, much like with one of my close buddies. An interesting experience!

Not too long ago did a fellow blogger had a similar experience and wrote about it here. Life with its twists and turns :).

Wish you all a HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

2008-08-14T11:31:00.000-07:00

My best wishes to all fellow Indians :).

I extend my salute and thanks for all the patriots, freedom fighters and others who directly / indirectly dedicated their lives for the cause of this country - its freedom and our future :).

While we all celebrate this occasion, let us remember that it doesn't end with tying tri-coloured balloons, wearing our national flag on our shirts, distributing sweets, fanfare and wishes to all. All that apart, I hope that this day instills the urge to make your contribution to our nations in any way, as it does for me :).

JAI HIND!

Flood of calls

2008-08-13T20:43:00.002-07:00

Today in-and-around 8:45 in the morning all of the phones in my office started ringing :). On all the phones (based on the few I checked) I noticed the call was from this # 66082763. It was the usual crappy advertisement call which I have never even bother to hear once in full :).

It was annoying at first with all the phones on your entire floor ringing one by one. But then I was a bit excited and was wondering if it was some sort of an cyber-attack or something :D. I remember a movie where all phones in a city starts ringing endlessly. He he, mebbe I should was less movies.

Anybody else faced this today? Any clue as to what caused this?

KungFu Panda

2008-08-09T00:35:00.003-07:00

I LOVED THE MOVIE & PO, START TO FINISH.

Its just been minutes since I came back from the movie and I wanted to blog about it :).

The movie was a total entertained with gyaan, inspiration, feelings and humor at every turn even when you thought things were turning too serious.

One thing Oogway said left me thinking.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a Mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the Present ;).

Get It? Of course its an old say, but only today did I get to hear it :). Nice!

The movie was so full of messages put behind a veil of humor and presented with the grandios of CGI. AWESOME!

Po's dream was so captivating. Somethings kids do dream of :). I've once dreamed of fighting the skaarj warrior although I had no intent on becoming one unlike Po :p. I guess the other thing that led me to love this movie was that I always enjoyed movies like - "Drunken Master" and "36th chamber of shaolin" kinds. Again that element was there again.

Thankfully the climax was good as well. I was afraid it would spoil the movie like in "Happy Feet". But it was fun :).

If you ever felt you had similar taste in movies as I do, then DON'T MISS THIS MOVIE! Trust me in that you'll walk out with a wide smile and plenty of food for thought as well :).

Watch the trailers here.

A Salam to Oblige

2008-08-08T20:59:00.002-07:00

I usually go to HSB Fast Food on non-working days for breakfast after a flying visit to monkey prince. They have quite an arrangement for 2 wheeler parking and almost everyone goes by it.

There are security personnel outside (usually 2) which arbitrate vehicle parked our waiting for a while to make it easy for all. But there is this one guy who ticks me off. When I come to park my vehicle he behaves as if trying to help (holding the bike while I park it actually makes me uncomfortable).

And then a salam :). Now none if the other such people do that. I'd normally appreciate such an act , so I thought the first time.

But when I leave he moves the vehicles on both side of mine even though I can comfortably take my vehicle out. I even tell him please leave the vehicle and he still does it. Wish he left it at that. He would also hold the back (not-sturdy) of my vehicle as it pull it in reverse down the ramp. I've said time and again to just leave it and I can pull the vehicle out myself. He doesn't listen.

And then he comes stands upfront and puts another "salam" *uuugh*. I've observed many a time that such an act (in India at least) implies that he expects to be paid. I did feel obliged but I resisted it and moved on. He was a very able man who is employed and is doing such a thing.

Some of you might ask me - What are you gonna loose by giving the guy a couple of bucks. True, I probably wouldn't loose anything. But why should I pay for a service I didn't ask for and in fact didn't want? Coz the guy's idea was to make the person feel obliged for something he did!

Definitely smart, to offer an service not asked of and then to make the person feel obliged to pay something. Now thats NOT a value add. Nor do I like people who are servile.

And this is not just with this guy. I see a lot many people do such a thing.

On a counter e.g. Ammu, the little girl from whome I buy tender-coconut everyday its different. If she sees me coming at a distance she'd have the coconut chopped and ready to serve. Now that is a value add :). Everytime I go to her shop on the platform we greet each other with a nice smile (no salam or any servile behaviour) and we exchange a few words. Frankly if she'd ask me for an extra amount I would give it heartily. B she'd instead give me an extra tender-coconut and deny my paying for that and she said - just take it anna. I'd definitely gift her something someday because "I want to" (not coz I feel obliged) for all the value add, perks she has given me as a regular customer :). She sure is making profit and yet connecting with the customers, at least regular ones like me.

Yesterday I was so pleased to realize that she speaks tamil :). All this while out of habbituation I spoke with her in my crappy hindi although she spoke it pretty well. And she thought I was a northie #-o, ha ha. Now she knows I hail from the curd-rice clan :p.

I don't know if this Salam that people put to make other feels obliged only happens in India or south eastern countries. I've only seen em in movies at the hotel's entrance :p.

Wanted to say something ...

2008-08-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

but I don't know what :-?

The funny thing in my industry ...

2008-08-02T00:13:00.002-07:00

the IT Industry, is that EVERY TOM, DICK & HARRY wants to be an entrepreneur and have a company of their own #-o.

It is so damn cliched. Am totally sick of such people. Almost all but a few I've seen are talkers and no doers (count me in on that one).

Which made me wonder as to what set apart those who make it and the wannabes? The difference is the one between perseverance and interest.

Addictive Lyrics

2008-07-31T05:32:00.000-07:00

As much as I love songs for the music there are songs that I lurve for their lyrics and of course sometimes complemented by the voice behind it. More than dreamy lyrics I seem to like those that are a portrayal of of basic feelings. Unfortunately in Indian cinema its always about love for the simple reason that its a beautiful thing to portray. Wish there were some deep lyrics like those of linkin park here.

Enough Ado. These are some songs that I love listening to for its lyrics. Normally we disregard the lyrics and listen to the music and how rhyming the verses are to the music. But when it comes to these songs I take my time I listen past the music and feel the lyrics and poet bringing those to life.

I tried to put em in the order of songs whose lyrics leave me moved (read - I love "listening" to lyrics with my eyes closed) the most up. And these are a random pick off the top of my head as I've been listening to em a lot lately.

Unnai Kandaene Mudhal Murai - Paarijatham
En Mael Vizhundha Mazhai Thuliye - May Madham
Yakkai Thiri - Ayudha Yezhuthu
Mettu Poodu - Duet
Unnarugil Varugayil - Kallori
Pani Vizhum Malar Vanam - Ninaivellam Nithya
Kannukku Mai Azhaghu (M & F Versions)- Pudhiya Mugham
Nenjam Ellam - Ayudha Yezhuthu
Idhudhaan Kaadhal - Pudhiya Mugham
Yennai Konjam - Kaakha kaakha
Pani Thuli - Kanda Naal Mudhal
Poo Vaasam - Anbe Sivam
Ondra Iranda - Kaakha Kaakha
New York Nagaram - Sillunu Oru Kadhal
Valai Oosai Kala Kala Kala - Sathya
Poovukkul Olinthi - Jeans
Pushing it Hard - Kanda Naal Mudhal (he he, seriously lovely lyrics)
Nenjodu kaladhidu - Kadhal Kondaen
Hey Hey Ennachu - Kaadhal Virus
Nadhiye Nadhiye - Rhythm
Sippi Irukkudhu Muthum Irukkudhu

The good thing is, its been a while since I enjoyed these songs like I do now :). Yaaay!

Which songs lyrics move you the most and which are your favourites?

Life is strange indeed

2008-07-29T01:08:00.002-07:00

Came across this somewhere and wanted to put it across -

We make them cry who care for us.
We cry for those who never care for us.
And we care for those who will never cry for us.

Interesting! Incidentally over the weekend I had a conversation over how we go to lengths to do so many things for many people leaving out those close to us. More often than not, it doesn't start right from our homes. Hmm.

Growing up sucks!

2008-07-26T11:16:00.001-07:00

Something I realized off-late is that the more we learn the less flexible we become. Now I am not talking of the extraordinary people. What makes ordinary people so ordinary is how much they get institutionalized with the beaten path that they fail to explore things they would otherwise.

Imagine an Engineering or a Management graduate (sorry about the choice, but such people are the ones I encounter the most). Most people would only want to do something related to their field EVEN THOUGH they might have capacity to be better at something else. You might argue that you'll never know what it is you are best at. But my point here is that people fail to see themselves doing other things.

With most people degrees and education become blinders like for a horse. Now contrast this with a child.

Every wondered at how they explore the world. Agreed that they have less things to worry about, they are well taken care of and all. But ain't these excuses things that we burden ourselves with even when we don't have to?

I miss being that child that I was. No I am not talking about long long ago in a galaxy far far away. Its hardly been a few years since things changed, rather I changed. A friend of mine pointed this out during his last visit to India. I didn't understand it completely although I didn't deny it :). Whats the point in being this way, loosing your very essence in the name of being mature? Being compliant with the society has taken greater importance than being thyself.

I am gonna try to be that kid I once was. I know I risk losing some people (incl. close ones) in the process. But if they don't understand / accept me for what I am ( - I can be a pissoff a**h*** at times :D) then its only a matter of time until it falls apart. I wonder how many souls are out there who can put up with "me".

A Request to the Indian Media:

Please don't be hyper cynical and throw baseless hypothesis over incidents you don't understand. You hold a very responsible position of giving people information. A lot of people believe it. Viewership and ratings are not everything! Use your influence wisely.

Unfortunately like I always say its a point of view :|.

Growing up

2008-07-10T22:56:00.003-07:00

A few first hand experiences off-late. One, I got to experience how people start behaving like a child as they grow older :). I was all smiles watching it.

One of my grandpa pretty old and counting his days holding on to witness occasions at home just gobbles sweets left right and center much like a kid does. Literally! And the mid-age people keeping tabs on it so things are under control. I was almost ROTFL watching it.

And then it was my other grand-dad at the ICU. I went to see him and after speaking a few words he says - "yaarume ennakku coffee tharalai" (nobody gave me coffee) in a sober tone. I had the honor of carrying this news to my aunt who was taking care of him.

My grandmom did her own share while she was in hospital. Like they always do they removed all her jewels and returned it to us. The next day she wakes up and fights with the nurse that she stole all her jewellery and shooed her. Seriously, the nurse didn't know how to convince her otherwise :D.

Being so dependent on others to take care of us is probably what we associate as a child. Really old people need / love others being around and giving them attention just like kids do. Sometimes watching old people this was makes you don a smile and sometimes leaves you glum when you realize they were the epitome of independence just a few months / years back. Hmm.

The other experience is as to how weird people get. It still leaves me thinking. It has definitely made me smart but I doubt if it made me any smarter. Or I wouldn't be thinking so much over it ;).

21 & 21...

2008-07-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Just came back after watching this movie - 21. Turns out that after a reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long time I haven't slept for over 21 hrs. 4:30 am - 1:30 am and still going. Mebbe I'll push some more today. Sort'a crossed the sleepy phase. It feels nice to live like the good old days.

Anywayz, the movie was good. Worth watching once. While the scenes really didn't make me feel the rush (proly coz I was technically zilch at black jack) although the whole concept was great. Unfortunately there were points where the movie got predictable :(. None of the female casts were all that great, but had they been so it might have just spoilt the movie.

One thing I liked about the movie is how it portrayed some truths of the reality. With so many movies giving a happy ending just to make the audience feel better this one took a little detour. A happy ending but with more realistic touch to it.

Reopening some things from my past. They are not gone, they are not dead. Just dormant. So no more personal posts here ;).

He wasn't me!

2008-06-20T18:54:00.003-07:00

Ever had this feeling when you look back and realize you were not quite yourself ? I felt so disgusted at myself that I ended up not being ME. It wasn't meant to be this way. We blame it on circumstances and such crap, all an excuse and yet we deny to accept it. But it is a choice you know? A conscious one, so to speak. Yet, against thyself! Know what I mean?

We run away from our problems not quite having what it takes to confront it and hide beneath the veneer of a gentle smile apparently 'for the world'. Why? Coz we have grown into gentlemen / women who values propriety more that fortitude & honesty! Because we live in a world where we give more importance to what others would think of us than to being true to thyself.

And now I have done it too! Brilliant. Bravo! The very thing I never wanted to be and denounced. Guess I am just one amongst the Peter Keatings and Ellsworth Tooheys amongst us living their lives indulging in the ecstasy of the world around us extolling us as good men / woman. One amongst the many soulless souls.

On a side note, I want to loose everything but for my life. No not in any negative sense. If you want to understand read this which I bumped into a while back - The Fring Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination. The fear of loosing is what leads most people into being much less than what they can be otherwise. One wouldn't fear when you have nothing to loose ;). Some see it as responsibility, others as a liability. I presume such fear is what has left me in this menial existance.

Guess I would score a 'A' grade in being successful at earning a good livelihood for my kins and I. Yippieeeeeee! So proud of it! What more can life have to offer :)?

The plight of Headlines Today

2008-06-17T03:15:00.002-07:00

There is a new channel here which goes by the name of - 'Headlines Today'. I don't sit much in front of the T.V., but I happened to watch it while I was having lunch today. Ever since I came in until I left, all that was telecast was about some wrestling news around this character khali.

Yes, a while back I did express my reservations about these news channels being very cynical about everything happening. But this is even worse. Looks like HT has really run out of news that it telecasts such things. I presume almost all but for the naive know that these shows are orchestrated like mega-serials. And yet these guyz seem to have nothing better to put on air *duh*. It football season again and they could very well put some exclusives on that or whatever. Wonder how people at HT feel about calling themselves a new channel. They should probably consider rebranding themselves as some entertainment channel rather than calling it news.

Shame on HT! I hope at least some of the other new channels are better than this.

Looking into the future

2008-06-07T11:04:00.002-07:00

Its been a while since I saw this movie - "Next" , starring Nicholas Cage.

The movie goes by the fact that Chris can see into the future and he can do things accordingly. To change it as he sees fit. It was pretty interesting just looking into the possibilities with the ability to look into the future.

But one thing that didn't quite seem right is the ability to change upon looking into the future. Here is a quote from the movie itself.

Chris Johnson: Here is the thing about the future. Every time you look at, it changes, because you looked at it, and that changes everything else.

Now to the interesting part. Since you look into the future with the knowledge / gift of being able to look ahead in time, the very future that you see is what is a consequence of you having looked at it and your choices whence. The future you see is that which happens because of the choice you make upon seeing the future.

So even though you can look into the future the choice you make wouldn't change the future. For the choice you made was what led to the future you saw. So you are really not making a choice as you've already made it.

True that we don't have the ability to look into the future or that even if you did look into it I wouldn't be able to change anything ;). This makes me wonder. Do we really make any choices at all or is it all just a feel good factor that we are in control. May be the decisions we take in our lives are all preset.

If you are like me who doesn't quite believe in fate you probably rebuke at this very idea. At the same time I keep my mind open and not a fanatic followed of my beliefs. So lets go about it this way.

We have two possibilities -
a) The ability to look into the future exists or is feasible. So going by my observations above the future if all set and there is nothing you can do to change it :D.

b) It just ain't possible to look into the future. Now this will lead to us being able to make decisions which changes the future. Now the changed future as we see it could very well be the only future there ever will be. Although we see various possibilities depending on the choice we make.

Both these possibilities lead me to feel that choice really doesn't exist although we perceive ourselves to have it. Sounds more like the philosophy of 'The Matrix' doesn't it ;)? The oracle explaining about choice saying - "You've already made the choice. You are here to understand why you made it". Interestingly us trying to understand why we made the choice also leads to the future we are trying to comprehend and therefore not a conscious one.

So, are we all just puppets in this huge show orchestrated by the universe? Now I'd really love to hear from anyone who can catch flaws in my inferences here. Sounds horrible when you realize that you've already made all the choices in you life , doesn't it? Just like when you hear someone prove 2=1 ;). Maybe you've encountered something such in your life that substantiates our very ability to make a choice.

My second arguments sounds weak to me. But if we could just prove that it is feasible to look into the future then would it mean that you can never make a conscious choice? Thats it is all just a false perception?

Ignorance is bliss

2008-05-25T06:56:00.003-07:00

So many things change in life all of a sudden. This year has been cheerless excepting for my retreat with friends and violin comrades. Got to know he monster in me behind all the frivolity. Anywayz, the point it all these years of my life have made me (in some aspects) into something I detest.

And then something makes you smile. On my errands this morning I saw this little kiddo (can't speak and can only make sounds) around me carried by his/her granddad. The ignorance with which it was trying to grasp the world was such a blissful sight. No hard feelings for anyone, no scheming, no sham and an ethereal smile for everyone :). So intoxicating.

Am pretty doused and people are surprised to find me so weak. If there is one retreat I'd want is to be oblivious to what this world has taught me and live for few days in a childs world. One that just learned to walk ;), hardly able to speak, exploring anything and everything I can lay hands on trying to make sense of it.

I want to be oblivious to the etiquette of life.

I want to say just what I feel at heart hoping people would understand it in the same spirit as when they hear it from a child.

I want to be immune to being hurt much like a child in whom it hardly last a few minutes.

I want to be devoid of any lasting hard feelings for anyone.

I want to be able to heal as quickly as a child.

I want to be able I want to be oblivious to the sex of the other person and be just as frivolous irrespective of their gender.

I just want to look at the world with awe with no pressure, responsibility or liabilities whatsoever. Nothing but for experiencing the bliss of experiencing the world.

I want to hold out my arms ignorantly like a kid to hug anything and everything in this world.

I want my dear ones (no longer alive) to carry me around with me hugging em tight and warm in the chillness of the rains.

I wanna cry to sit one my dads rajdoot and pretend as if I am driving it with coolers on. He he.

I want to live out my mischievous days as a kid. I want to go and let the bundle of thread loose while my mom is busy stitching and run away to the farthest end while her screams fade away. And then slowly sneak into the house cautious of what she would say :D.

I want to go and hide in nook and corners of my house while my mom keeps searching for me to feed me on time. And every time me having to find a new hinding place each time she finds me out ;).

I want to sit beside my grand dad looking in awe at this thing he does called pooja with so many beautifully arranged flowers of all colors and fragrance. And when its time offer to ring the bell for as long as he needs me to.

I want to hold someones little finger while they take me along with them for a walk.

... (on & on & on ... )

If only I could be a little kid for a day or two and experience the world from within in spirit.

Instead I got to live in a world where your expected to be street smart rather than honest, .

Wish I could forget the grotesques of life and live for a while like a kid. *Gosh* I must be really tired of things happening around me :D.

Right & Wrong

2008-04-30T17:42:00.002-07:00

I just happened to have this long conversation yesterday evening with my friend who'd come back from ausi for bride hunt and this statement just came up in the middle. Apparently he doesn't know the origin of this statement either. Here is how it goes :).

Women 1st take the right decision and then thinking they took the right turn take a battery of wrong decisions then on :p.

Men on the other hand start off with a wrong decision and then take the right ones being wary of the 1st ;).

I just couldn't resist but laugh at it. Not that I completely bought it but nevertheless I am a pretty normal guy who tends to find fun in statements with talk on the follies of women :D.

Of course, what is right and wrong is a point-of-view / matter-of-opinion. Talking in absolutes in B.S. But then I do find such statements (he-she kind) entertaining :).

I wonder how women would retort to the above statement. Perhaps some would be bold enough of accept it. Or that just a vain hope I shouldn't indulge in.

Things in life we hate to do

2008-04-26T11:34:00.002-07:00

Life and our very existence is all ruled by our perception of the world. Put it plain & simply, we are dominated by our view of the world from within our shoes. That is fundamentally how we have been built, how our senses function and perhaps explains as to why we are the way we are :D.

We seldom recognize our inability or lack of conscience to put ourselves into others shoes and look at the events that have gone past. And then there are those amongst you and I who do :). After a lot of battle if I might add. It takes a lot of courage and sometimes it just comes with age ;).

But then there are these moments when you direly want to but you have been bluntly denied the right to understand, only given the choice (ironic *huh*) to accept things without even understanding them.

And then the inevitable. Despite your best efforts your only way out of it is to do the unthinkable. It seems so unethical, as if treason but at the same time it remains the hardest and consequently (& plausibly of course) the best decision in your life. So here I am having to make one of the most disheartening decisions in my life as tears leave my eyes murky, hoping (fingers crossed) that this is best for one and all.

*GOSH*, I wish I could go back in my life and change something in my past, for once and for the 1st time EVER. Never thought things to get down to this. Thats life I guess :).

Memories Strike Back

2008-02-14T10:16:00.003-08:00

Shiv wakes up in the morning and recaps what he needs to do for the day. He takes a deep breath of sigh as yet another day went past in restlessness and hope. In hope of what? He doesn't know for sure. He gets off from the bed (after rolling his head with his eyes closed feeling his neck) wondering if he needs to hold on to the hope for yet another day or to get over it and decide to move on like everyone says he should. So did I. But he just wouldn't listen and says he just couldn't :(.

Contrary to his usual he has only been doing things at the very last moment until he has no other choice. He seemed to have lost the energy and frivolous cheer that made him stand apart from the rest. Normally his eyes would say it all ;). For someone who keeps himself engaged all the while (I find that part of him pretty boring) until wee hours past mid-night I found it surprising when he revealed that he was squandering his time walking in the terrace, watching T.V. and sleeping not wanting to do anything. I was appalled when he said hez been sitting before his monitor doing nothing at all (to be read as musing). He wouldn't be so unless he is terribly broke.

I could empathize his problems as he explained them in pain :(. So many unanswered questions which were driving him mad, keeping him from work yada yada. Sometimes life can be cruel on people, forcing them into accepting things without understanding them. Those question if answered could be painful in the short term but would at least clear things up to move forward. Much like me he ain't someone who accepts things without understanding them. When he said he despised himself for what he did I couldn't help but remember a similar situation when I felt like puking at myself. Its much like when Neo realizes that so much of his memory were untruth in 'The Matrix'. Trust me, you really feel like. Although in the case of Shiv, he had to believe that what he believed in for 2 years were not so. He knew deep inside it were not so and yet he *had* to. Dazed is the right word to describe how lost he seems to be.

Early in the morning he was scuffling though his documents of his last US visit. Amidst the pile was a small piece of paper (tickets to be precise) that reminded him of sweet memories from the past. For a moment he donned a tender smile and then broke into tears. What a start to a day he said :(. Half-a-day went past bz bz when he went to the 6th floor in his office to collect his lunch. Out'a the blue something struck him hard. Obliviously he ate his meal deaf to the conversations of his colleagues and went out for the walk in the hot sun. Said he felt cold within and needed someplace warm. And he goes out for a walk in the hot sun. WTH?

So many tried to convince him that he is only human like the rest of us and is liable to make mistakes. It never went into his ears and all that he did was to stand in shock over how things had changed swiftly. But he still sought for answers, more so as to get some peace of mind. Distraught he took help from people close to him. Shiv has an irritating habit of always taking up a different perspective than that in a conversation. Only when people tried to convince him that he was in a way the affected as well did he begin to perceive the other side of the story (or so he thinks). The side of things which he claims he had failed to understand while in pain. Or has he just go into an accepting mode?

He spends his days waiting for the day to end. He spends his weekends waiting for Monday to dawn. He said he wanted to do something wacky like joining an ashram or taking a physical trip just to keep him from thinking about life, a respite if you will. Just imagining what would drive someone into such a mode :-?, waiting for answers he may never get. After much coaxing he spoke to a few people only to realize that he was not incorrect about his convictions but the fact of the matter is that he is helpless and can't do much but nothing.

There was so much glumness in the air when he mentioned that all of a sudden the sweetest things in life gives you the creeps and the heart feels heavy and empty every now and then. Am glad that one of us could convince him that he should be happy over what he got back for there are so many who don't :).

All I could tell him was how much courage he had to do what he did and the extent to which he had gone. To be able to confess / apologize over your gravest deeds to those who would most resent such an act takes a lot you know. But then he stopped crossing at one point. Reminds me of this quote from the movie Rocky - Once you become a gentleman, you spend most of your life being one than being yourself.

Everyone of us who got to know it all are pretty perplexed about it. Something just ain't right about it. Nevertheless we could only ask him to get along with life and not get buried in it. Easier said than done, but still :). When we asked him to be strong he said he wouldn't be holding onto it without walking away if he was not. So true!

But one thing he said that stood out from the rest was that its not that he can't (like we'd thought) but he just didn't want to walk away . How many people are that resolute? I don't know. What do you say to someone who believes that - "You are not defeated unless you've given up"? Good luck buddy! One way or another live it they way you want to, strive for what you want :). You may not get em but still!. Champions come from those who take their chances in life and seldom those who accept what life has to offer ;).

Looking at Shiv's situation has made me feel that my problems are nothing compared to his. Its funny how you learn things in life :).

Am totally lost into 3 songs from the movie Kalloori - "Un arughil varighayil", "June July" & "Sareeya Idhu Thavara". The whole days I listened to nothing but these. The 1st two were just awesome. Good lyrics after quite a while I should say ;).

The Disappearing act

2008-01-29T19:12:00.000-08:00

When someone disappears from your life and that person happens to be extremely close to you the voidness you feel inside is indescribable. It feels like a part of you is no longer there. As if it were snatched away from you. You feel like you've been torn apart. You feel suffocating and feel like puking even when there is so much air around.

You yearn to speak with that person but you know you can't. You yearn to hear from that person but you know you won't. Happy moments come by and yet without that person to share it with, it just doesn't mean as much. It feels as if you are locked in a coffin alive scuffling for someone to help you out. Your heart feels cold and a sudden chillness prevades your body even on a warm day. You feel like ice crystals are scattered inside of you and they trigger shocks of cold. And you can't do anything about it.

All that remains is the memory of the sweetest of moments they gave to your life and the satiety you got out of seeing that person happy from within. And a longing as to if god would give a second chance to relive those moments in life. Only, going forward you are no longer entitled to that previlige. And if that person had played a big role in shaping you into someone better than who you were then any act in connection reminds you of that person. You look back at the years and your eyes get misty over those wonderful moments in life. And then tears roll down realizing how helpless a situation it is.

All of these memories are etched for eternity and yet we are expected to let go of it all and move on in life :( in the name of being mature. Worse yet, if that person is not gone but just no longer in reach it feels even more terrible :((.

But that is life and I got to live with it.

A letter to god

2008-01-20T04:41:00.000-08:00

Right now I feel like writing a letter to god. A reaaaaaaaaaaally reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long one. It would probably run 10's of pages and I might even hit century :D.

If anybody knows his email-ID, do pass it on to me :), will ya?

This question is an over kill for god so I'll ask it to the mortals :D.

I am probably generalizing here, but is it true that emotions are associated with women and insensitivity with men?

More importantly, is this how we tend to see it even though it might actually be the other way around?

I just want to go and meditate for as loooooooong as I can until my body becomes numb. But then I am so tied to these worldly pursuits that I won't.

Difference b/w Love and Arranged Marriage

2008-01-13T08:34:00.000-08:00

In love marriage the bride/groom themselves get into a world of trouble :D.

While in arranged marriage the bride/groom are pushed into a world of trouble by relatives and friends ;)).

This was narrated by a lady in a program on TV.

1st Lesson of the year

2008-01-11T08:24:00.000-08:00

To watch my temper! I lost "The most" precious thing I had in my life off-late :(. Haven't been quite myself since. Haven't been able to do anything either. Even sitting b4 the comp. is so difficult *grrr*.

For the 1st time in my life I wished (for a moment) y'day that I go to sleep never to wake up again. If only such a thing could happen our planet wouldn't be so full of people :D.

I did the most unthinkable thing when I lost my temper. Not a pint of energy left in me to repent for it anymore. Only hoping that someday mum would forgive me for this, "truly" i.e. Not all mums do / can.

The worse part is when you really didn't mean it. Guess one can't quite fix a broken pane of glass. It only beautiful as long as it doesn't break ;). At least I got to know what I truly am. It bitter, but true.

Moments of 2007

2008-01-03T01:30:00.000-08:00

Its time to do what most blogger do after new-year. For once, I'll do it as well. (Actually I'v run out of ideas)

3 Magical Moments of 2007

When I read an article online realizing that it spoke of the same problem I faced and came up with a lovely solution for it months back. Turns out to be one of the patterns with a jargon in the industry.
When I played on my violin once (accidentally i.e.) and the song came out as good as I understood it ;). Obviously I had not understood it enough. But I was overjoyed. Esp. when my mum came up and said I truly played well, and "for a change" - I thought.
When I received a gift on account of my friends 1st salary. I got misty, I admit.

3 Disastrous Moments

When for the second time in life (5 years since the previous) I ended up not being able to take up higher studies :(. It literally broke me.
When I realized that the last two years of my life were a lie and I blissfully believed in it. Now I can empathize why neo puked when he realized the obviousness of the truth.
Failure after failure till the very end. Everything I had laid a foundation for failed this year.

3 Lessons Learnt

Never to put my happiness in someone else's hands. A lesson I never seem to have learnt since childhood.
The unlikeliest of people are sometimes the ones who come through for you during you hardest of times.
Being conservative is not such a bad thing. It could have saved me from having gone against my morals/values (although technically I didn't).

The biggest lesson I've learnt this year is to take help from friends. I am glad I had the courage to and I owe it to many of them who patiently took the time to help me out in my endeavours, who read my loooong boring mails (one of them was the longest I'd EVER written) and have always kept me in good spirits despite dire times.

Somehow I don't seem to be mature enough to shed my past and just move on without looking back. And am hoping that 2008 will turn things around, bring back the cheer in me and put an end to such 'personal journal' posts kind. I seriously miss blogging like I used to.

2008

Songs that leave you hollow

2007-12-23T18:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I got to listen to a whole bunch of my favourite songs coz I didn't have access to my comp and I had to read listening on my portable music player. These are my *ever* favourites and I can listen to them any day, any number of times.

But then, I didn't quite enjoy them as much as I used to / I would like to :(. All they gave me was a feeling of a big void inside. Like a part of me was gone and nowhere to be found. Empty! ZILCH! Maybe its just that the other side of me has gone missing lately. These song give me (used to) goosebumps every time I listen to them after a week or so. But not now :-?. And they keep reminding me of how dead I am.

I know that its our ability to feel is what makes us human. But right now I could really use an extended period not being able to feel anything and just be a machine doing what I do for a living. Wish there was a switch that I could flip and become stoic.

On a jocular note, if I were to throw a switch and become stoic I presume I would never feel like flipping that switching again :D coz I wouldn't be able to feel anymore ;). So technically there would be a need for an external influence that can override my stoicalness which undermines the fact that am stoic. He he, what a philosophical detour. I have gone brilliantly crazy :D.

On a more simple note, such a switch does indeed exist - the people around you. When jedi like Anakin Skywalker would not keep himself from being affected by other how could a mere human like me ;)?

This thing I call - "Arranged Love"

2007-12-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

Its weird that I even sat down to think about this. But offlate I'v had to shut my bain off so even this topic was pleasing to think about.

Somehow I always took side of the people who advocated love marriage to arranged marriage (although I never commit about its applicability in my life :p). And then all of a sudden I realized how blindly I stood by that thinking I was rational. Ignorance is bliss you know, life is much simpler that way.

So here are the two statements from which my arguments stems from. NO, you don't have the right to question these premises. Just buy it, will ya!

a) Love Marriage - You choose to live with someone
b) Arranged Marriage - You decide to live with someone

The latter sounds soooo gross doesn't it? Added to this was a comment that one of my friend made that in the latter case, the least you can expect to begin with is some sort of physical attraction. Fair enough, humans are blessed and still retain their animal instincts. (No offence dude :D)

But then it struck me when I began wondering about the love I share with my parents. (Gosssh, now am getting mushy #-o). I know am generalizing here, but my hunch is that that is predominantly the case. At least in Indian/Asian lineage. Note -

1. There is no physical attraction.
2. There is no "choice".

But there is a binding and yet loads and loads of love. The rush may not be quite what is would be when your in love with a person of the opposite sex, but still its love that lasts :).

What I sort of deduced from this is the ability to / need for love in humans. Its all in the mind. If you really want to be in love with someone, there is no need for a willful choice or physical attraction factor. Even then we have the ability to love.

At this juncture I am reminded of a quote by the Oracle in "The Matrix: Reloaded" - "You are not here to make a choice, you've already made it. You are here to understand why you made it". Ringing any bells? ;)

When we were born we didn't make the choice to love our parents. The moment we were born, we'd already made it. Or if you will, bestowed with it. Its a life we begin to understand that choice. And this aligns well with why we don't get to choose our parents :D. Now the fun part of this line of thought is that neither did our parents make a conscious choice to love us And I believe so would we to our off-springs ;). But the beauty is that the binding bestowed becomes a reason to hold on to this relationship of love no matter what. (I know am talking a bit ideal here, but lets discount the exceptions.)

There are so many people who bind themselves with someone in a bonding called arranged marriage. Like before they have the same ability to love, unconditionally. Unfortunately unlike in the former where we go to great lengths to adjust ourselves to the follies of one another (parents / offsprings), people seldom do with the later binding. Do you get as to what I am hinting at? We rarely see a blame game in the former which breaks up the relationship, but how often do we see that it the latter?

The reason - "Character", which we had built over the decades. Is it so hard for us to again become a child to this new person in life? Is it so hard to love this person just like we'd done with our parents?

I'd seen many arranged marriages fail which sort of gave me some aversion to it. But then I see these people who bind with one another as good as in a parent child relationship (mutual). It is so strange when I realize that all this education and exposure to the world has led us to not look into this but rather live for the word "I". Why be so stubborn when you could be so adjusting to your parents. Am not advocating for Arranged marriage/love now. But what I do want you readers to think is as to how often do people commit to the relationship of marriage as much as we do with our parents / children? We very well could, but we resort to being stubborn. Why are we so resistant to arranged love?

Can't believe I wrote this crap when I should be attending kutcheries and sharing those experiences with all *grrrrr*

Kindle's been unleashed

2007-11-19T10:28:00.000-08:00

Today Jeff Bezos launched the amazon kindle at 7:30 pm IST :). Boy'o'boy am I really excited. I don't wish to say too much, but it was just way way way way over expectations at our control centre. Do check out the videos on the device here - http://www.amazon.com/kindle.

Here are a few links that I managed to get though -

Reinventing the book
Engadget live at launch
More on engadget
Gizmodo @ launch
The 'Kindle' Revolution (watch the video here)

I find the possibilities endless. And I just can't stop thinking. A lot many of you may not be all that excited. But I've been around this device for little less than 6 months and its just amazing when I think of it in the hands of people and how it could impact our society in the years to come :).

So here are some thought of mine as to the possibilities

1. Business men on tour getting their favourite newspaper where ever they go. No more missing out papers when you travel, no more search for where the news stand is. Wherever you go, your paper follows you ;).

2. Bloggers and blog readers on the move. Sometimes I've wished while I were traveling if I could catch up with some blogs. Wait until the kindle starts pumping your favourite blog and you can read it on the move. No PC Required! And who knows, maybe the device would also let you blog in the days to come :).

3. Voracious readers of books. I am the kind who reads books while traveling but I just hate carrying the bulky thing and having to bookmark where I left. The kindle is just IDEAL for that. Keep reading, turn it off, come back and it will take you to where you left. Something that I found was a big turn-off with PDF readers. And moreover, you can carry over 200 books in just ~10 ounces ;).

4. Students - With most of the kindle editions being priced at not more than $9.99 (which is how amazon would want it) this would be a great boon for students not having to carry tons of books or go through the painful process of reading from back-lit device. Although such books are not available for the kindle, I am blown away just thinking of the possibility of wide use of it in academic circle.

I can go on-and-on but am short of time so I'll cut it down here and leave the remaining thinking to you. Maybe i'll stop with imagining a color display and also support for music in the background (so befitting for people who listen to music while reading :D.

The experience for us in the war room was exhilarating. It was like we were launching a space-shuttle and during lift off a piece of foam broke off. But then it was nothing to worry. And the rate at which the device was selling out was simply MINDBLOWING. The number of people requesting for their stuff to appear on the kindle was unfathomable.

I hate to make a comparison of the kindle for IMHO it stands by itself in human history, but for the benefit of reader to comprehend its potential impact - Kindle will do to reading what the iPod did to music ;).

Do comment your ideas as to how this could change out lives.

Note: None of the opinions expressed here are those of Amazon or the people withing and are purely my thoughts on this ground breaking event.

Finally I get a taste of it

2007-11-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

I haven't been been blogging lately and old readers may realize I don't make personal posts. But here I am making an exception coz I feel like and I want this on record for good. I finally get to know what it feels like to be d*****.

Am probably saying quite a few things here out of agony and may not hold in due course. But it is today.

For well over the last one year, I made a whole lot of sloppy decisions. Rather, every decision I took with confidence worked against me. I know I've said this many times before but this time another BIG decision goes up that list. This time its personal :|. Sometime I'v held onto for almost two years or more.

I put others above myself. Not all, but those very close to me and it cost me a lot. People keep saying that todays generation is so self centric. What I do realize is you are taken advantage of when you are not self-centric. Not that I'd stop putting others above myself :). Thats who I am. I don't blame others at all. It was my fault.

I never believed in other peoples pessimistic advice. But then this one turned out to be true. Nevertheless, I am glad that I fought it out to my ends :) not blindly going by it. I never gave up, i.e. until when I shouldn't have ;). I still don't buy that advice though :p for I never lost.

The worse part of it all is that I was afraid if I was making a fool of myself and I hoped otherwise. When you look back and realize that you've made a big fool of yourself for like two years you begin to despise yourself for doing that. So reminds me of this quote -

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

And then doing the most disgusting thing ever :(. Lot of people find me conservative and hell I am. I held certain things as a principle and stuck to it on moral grounds. But then all of it is void now coz I choose to make an exception. The only respite I get is that I was as honest as I could ever be. You know what they say -

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted

I don't know as to what I did wrong :-?. I try not to keep too much faith / trust in people but every time I've made an exception, its turned out disastrous. Its so hard to correct one self when you don't know where you went wrong. Every time this happens I am every more hesitant to entrust in another :(. Am sure its a problem with me and not them. I hope I get to find that soon.

Maybe it is true that dreams you have early morning do come true. A day or two back I had this dream where I start a day and I realize that all of a sudden something is missing in my life. Something that (I believed) meant to me more than anything else. I frantically searched, searched and searched but it just was not to be found. But what I considered most dearest was no longer there. Two days since then and it has come to be true in real life ;). Coincidence?

Maybe I can see a world beyond time :D like Neo does in the matrix, he he. Or maybe I have begun to understand the choices and am able to see past them :p.

I feel so lost yet again. On the one hand I am so devastated and on the other its as if maybe this is a new chapter in my life when I have to let go of my past. I am smiling when I look at myself in the mirror, but its looks like a scorn from my other self :D as if he is saying "See, I told ya" in a wicked tone. I don't even know if I want/should be smiling or be glum. But on the bright side there ain't no indecision anymore :).

Guess I've rambled enough out of frustration :D and bored my readers if any. But I really needed to vent this anger and not carry it into tomorrow, oops today :D.

Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for long. Only way I see to get into grips is to burn out for a while which anyway is in queue. Hopefully December Season should make me write more :).

Adios amigos.

12 days w/o comics

2007-11-12T08:33:00.000-08:00

Thats what life is these days for me. Let alone take a peak into blogsphere :(. But not taking a laugh reading those comic strips (dilbert / CnH) is just way too injurious :D. Shame on me.

Smack that in bollywood

2007-11-09T05:43:00.000-08:00

I was listening with my cousin songs from this new movie called Polladhavan. Two of those songs I liked based on some recommendations. But then my cousin was perplexed and told me that this song - Minnal Kothadum, is a perfect copy of 'Smack that' by Akon (check out this link to listen to the original). And here is the one by G.V.Prakash -

There was a time when not many Indian folks listened to western and music director who copied from them got away, at least for a long while. Looks like the industry has grown so commercial that there ain't much room for creativity :(.

Likewise this song in Azhagiya Tamilzh Magan - Nee Marlyn Monroe's got the feel of Wannabe by Spice Girls, doesn't it?

Ineeya Deepavali Nalvazhthukkal

2007-11-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

Wishing all of you a very happy deepavali.

May the festive spirit bring in smile and joy in all of us.

- Cheerios

Sundal Season

2007-10-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

The best thing about Navrathri / Dhushera is the influx of sundal. Just not the ones made at home but ones that my mum gets from the places she visits. Oh yes! I made a pact with her long back that she got to get them for "me". One of the perks of being the only child at home ;).

Ever since we moved to West Mambalam, its never been quite like in our appartment in Ashok Nagar. Maybe the network on ppl has gone down. Somehow the same energy ain't there at home. Reminds me of me and grandpa constructing the 10/11 golu steps after unloading them all from the loft. It was like a piece of engineering :D, and physical too. I used to make petty stuff with dancing light LCD with mini electronic kits to adore lord Ganesh. Not to mention the parks that I'd make by seeding raagi a week earlier. It was nice watching the women and gals draped in grand sarees / pattu pavadai's on their seasonal errands.

I somehow miss all that. Maybe I have joined the bandwagon of people lost in the corporate world. It really sucks having to work on saraswathi pooja / vijayadhasami day, esp. when they fall on a weekend. But thats how life goes for me.

But on the bright side, I still get my sundals :) *slurp*. Pattani sundal today. Two round complete, one more to go before dinner :D. What a season to start with a tummy #-o.

Nenjodu Kalanthudu - Kaadhal Kondeen

2007-10-01T06:09:00.000-07:00

I recently heard this song somewhere and it sounded so familiar that I felt like I'd go nuts if I don't find out the semblance. So I prowled for this song and finally got it ;) - you can listen to it here.

And of course what it soo resembles as well. Turns out it had the exact same tune played on the violin in the old song Runaway by The Corrs, one of my favourite bands. Besides, I used to listen to that album so much while in college.

Yuvan even made sure that the sound of the pipers are not missing. After all, its an irish tune ;).

You know what they say - "Good artists copy, great artists steal" - Pablo Picasso. Now don't ask my how do you differentiate between the copying & stealing :p.

Enna kodumai saravanan!

2007-09-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

My first step into the matrimony-sphere. I should have been excited, but no am not. Not a wee bit.

Why? Coz the profile I got to look at was not that of a girl #-o. Now hold you horses (imagination i.e.). It was a guy :(. NO! Don't let your thoughts run wild again. He is supposedly my junior in college and someone wanted to know about him. PERIOD. The face only reminded me of some kannadika actor :p. I better keep watch or else someone might mistake this for my profession :D.

Some 1st time moments in life are meant to be exciting. Such aaaas - first day at school, first time busted by the teacher, first crush, first love, first job, first salary, first vehicle, first specimen at a matrimony site :D. Oops!

I guess I might too end up doing it someday, but this whole matrimony thing makes me imagine like you are looking at a menu card or making a choice of the prey. As if all were lined up in a virtual zoo for passed by to look at and pick ;).

I know its fun for a lot of people, looking at profiles of the opp. sex and making all sorts of comments they wouldn't dare to otherwise. I had my own share of fun too. My close buddy had come from the US wanting to spend quality time and he was bombarded with so many prospects. I couldn't control my laughter watching him look at the gals profiles and gauging em. I even took a photo of him blushing and started a thread, ;)) wicked me.

Maybe am just conservative. But this whole game makes me think of it as if people up for sale. Glad there is no price tag attached, as yet ;). But its funny when you realize the kinda specs people put up there. Am not gonna discuss that here as it warrants a dedicated post and some research for which I hardly have time. I just realized that these specs are beginning to replace traditional horoscopes and could become the new mantra for a successful marriage, which again is a subjective clause.

I agree this is far better than traditional arranged marriages, but it still feels like shopping for a "thing". Maybe thats what it is :-s, just like picking up the best fitting clothes on that day. Now don't curse me if you get reminded of such things when you browse through matrimony sites :D.

Should I say blessed are those souls who find love before marriage. Spooky when I realize I might end up hunting through matrimony sites :-?. Its soo gross! But thats far away :). Lemme live is peace for as long as I can :).

For now, I'll be happy if I don't have to look at more guy profiles at matrimony sites :D. Cheerios!

Waiting like an idiot

2007-09-04T18:31:00.000-07:00

All my life I have been waiting for people despite being stood up time and again. No, I didn't mean a guy-girl thing :p. My experience at that is zilch.

It just totally pisses me off when people don't keep up with their words. Its probably my fault that I expect such a thing out of them. But I don't understand if its too difficult for people to be courteous enough to say they can't for whatever reason it is (like I care).

The worse part is, they think they are courteous even after I hint them and continue to obliviously do the same thing again #-o. The funny part is they even empathize your point without realizing they do the same =)) ROTFL. I don't expect people to be perfect. But when you realize someone doesn't quite respect your time (for a long time i.e.), you don't feel like honoring theirs. I try not to think that way, but it feels like people just take me for granted.

Only thing I can do is not to expect such a thing from people, which I have. But now that time is at premium more than ever, such people are such a turn off.

If you are reading this, don't commit to appointments you can't keep up. And if for some genuine reason you can't be courteous enough to inform. And btw, appointments are just not restricted to meeting people in person ;).

Now that I'v cribbed, I am wondering if I'd ever done the same :-? although I am known to keep up with my appointments. On a philosophical note maybe I did not and am oblivious as much as the defaulters who empathize my point ;).

My lesson for now - don't expect people to keep up with their words and don't be a fool waiting for em.

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Get Going

2007-08-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah! I am still alive. Only am barely alive. It feels strange, esp. after so much blogging that now am hardly able to catchup like I used to.

I don't know why, but this just keeps echoing in my mind all the while -

Its wierd, but sometime you find things that are more important to you than things you think that are important. You know what I mean? Maybe its just getting older ;)

That should have pretty much conveyed that I am in limbo. Drained fosho. Physically and mentally. That should explain a post like this :). Till I post again, Adios.

Worldspace carnatic music radio station now online!

2007-08-17T21:19:00.000-07:00

Now, shruti is no longer limited to places with worldspace coverage :). The whole world can now enjoy carnatic music 24x7 \:d/.

Hungama @ Horsley Hills

2007-07-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

Life is driving me nuts! So I pitched in to a weekend trip with my gang in the last minute, blogger gODo inclusive. Awesome fun, it was. I don't know to swim, yet I somehow managed to run down and jump into the pool ;)). Hey, I summoned that much for having no clue about swimming :). (Shhhh! It was only 5 feet deep :D). Time is at premium now :(, so I'll leave with some photos. Btw, for those who can make it, its a lovely retreat when you want to go without any major plans just to chill.

Well there was more fun ;) (the pool was just the tip of the iceberg), but think I'd leave it here for now. Adios amigos.

Idea without Ideas

2007-07-01T11:35:00.000-07:00

Not sure how many of you have seen the new ad from Idea Cellular. For benefit of those, herez how it goes.

Two bachelors in their rooms watching TV. One guy scuffles for his mobile unable to find it. He asks the other guy to buzz him mobile so that he locate his. The other guy makes a call while guy #1 finds his phone, pick the call and say - "thanks, I found it". Just coz calls only cost 50 paisa #-o *gosh*.

Idiots or what? The 2nd guy must have been quite an idiot to have not cut the call when the other guy was sitting right in the same room. Idea Cellular without Idea?

On the flip side Pulsar 220 Ad R.O.C.K.S. Ever since bajaj came with their signature song years ago - "nayi bharath ki nayi thasveer", every new ad of theirs with that song gives me goose bumps at least for 5/6 viewing. Although I didn't like the unrealistic parts of the ad. The best ad of the pulsar EVER was the stunt guy racing through a wire bridge, breaking sharp and doing a 180 deg on the front wheel. AWESOME that was ;). This bike is sheer muscle and somehow it felt like they forgot to capitalize on that. Not my call. Nevertheless, still an brilliant ad although not on the thought provoking side ;).

Its wierd

2007-06-29T11:08:00.001-07:00

but, sometime you find things that are more important to you than things you think that are important. You know what I mean? Maybe its just getting older ;)