The past always seems like happier times

Yesterday I was waiting outside my office for a shuttle to head back home. Someone had stepped into a Starbucks leaving their retriever tied to a post. The best part of Seattle is the number of dogs you get to see every day.

I was reminded of Simba (a retriever who was just 4.5 year old, who passed away recently), and I was smiling at him for no obvious reason. Yes, I am a sucker for dogs and don't ask me why I don't have one with me as yet!

He looked into me with his inquisitive eyes and the both of us wanting to make the connection. Interestingly, a couple of minutes back I saw a baby on a stroller with those same gleaming eyes. The retriever inched forward a bit expecting me to make my move and perhaps offer him some goodies or simply a hearty rub. I was hesitant to pet this dog without the owner around. Before I could take a picture of him, he had to leave. So you are going to have to imagine him :).

After that, I wondered about how insanely happy I was as a child or for that matter any new born. Look at a baby giggle and you'll notice their happiness in every cell of their body as they jolt themselves in happiness. What happened to that as we grew up?

We've been told and taught to contain our laughter in the name of social propriety. As I pondered more I realized that when I look back at my life, the times that went past always seems like happier than this moment.

I had a wicked awesome childhood, in my own way i.e. I was not a trouble maker like those who can narrate their shenanigans endlessly. But still, my childhood seemed so much more happier than my schooling days. I am fraught with memories of great times at school, and a wide grin just thinking about them. As much as there were petty politics, I would forget,  forgive and move on with a smile and a hug. I have always been less than average at studies. But my grandparents blessed me with a great opportunity to pursue my dreams, even those that they couldn't help me understand. As much as college sucked in certain aspects, I made great friend who help me out in my life to this day. And then the years of struggle to find work close to my heart that made me decide to move away from my parents.

With each passing day of this life, my desires, my so called needs and other measures by which this society gauges a person have grown. With every passing day I only seem to be less happier than the days that have past. My eyes fill with tears as I look back at all those moments in my life that have gone past.

Some day in the future, I will perhaps look back at this moment and smile at it.

It is such moments that make me question my pursuits in life as I slowly realize that none of it will leave me in eternal bliss. Every time I see a dog or a toddler, they remind me of of happiness without any reason.