Friday, December 14

This thing I call - "Arranged Love"

Its weird that I even sat down to think about this. But offlate I'v had to shut my bain off so even this topic was pleasing to think about.

Somehow I always took side of the people who advocated love marriage to arranged marriage (although I never commit about its applicability in my life :p). And then all of a sudden I realized how blindly I stood by that thinking I was rational. Ignorance is bliss you know, life is much simpler that way.

So here are the two statements from which my arguments stems from. NO, you don't have the right to question these premises. Just buy it, will ya!

a) Love Marriage - You choose to live with someone
b) Arranged Marriage - You decide to live with someone

The latter sounds soooo gross doesn't it? Added to this was a comment that one of my friend made that in the latter case, the least you can expect to begin with is some sort of physical attraction. Fair enough, humans are blessed and still retain their animal instincts. (No offence dude :D)

But then it struck me when I began wondering about the love I share with my parents. (Gosssh, now am getting mushy #-o). I know am generalizing here, but my hunch is that that is predominantly the case. At least in Indian/Asian lineage. Note -

1. There is no physical attraction.
2. There is no "choice".

But there is a binding and yet loads and loads of love. The rush may not be quite what is would be when your in love with a person of the opposite sex, but still its love that lasts :).

What I sort of deduced from this is the ability to / need for love in humans. Its all in the mind. If you really want to be in love with someone, there is no need for a willful choice or physical attraction factor. Even then we have the ability to love.

At this juncture I am reminded of a quote by the Oracle in "The Matrix: Reloaded" - "You are not here to make a choice, you've already made it. You are here to understand why you made it". Ringing any bells? ;)

When we were born we didn't make the choice to love our parents. The moment we were born, we'd already made it. Or if you will, bestowed with it. Its a life we begin to understand that choice. And this aligns well with why we don't get to choose our parents :D. Now the fun part of this line of thought is that neither did our parents make a conscious choice to love us And I believe so would we to our off-springs ;). But the beauty is that the binding bestowed becomes a reason to hold on to this relationship of love no matter what. (I know am talking a bit ideal here, but lets discount the exceptions.)

There are so many people who bind themselves with someone in a bonding called arranged marriage. Like before they have the same ability to love, unconditionally. Unfortunately unlike in the former where we go to great lengths to adjust ourselves to the follies of one another (parents / offsprings), people seldom do with the later binding. Do you get as to what I am hinting at? We rarely see a blame game in the former which breaks up the relationship, but how often do we see that it the latter?

The reason - "Character", which we had built over the decades. Is it so hard for us to again become a child to this new person in life? Is it so hard to love this person just like we'd done with our parents?

I'd seen many arranged marriages fail which sort of gave me some aversion to it. But then I see these people who bind with one another as good as in a parent child relationship (mutual). It is so strange when I realize that all this education and exposure to the world has led us to not look into this but rather live for the word "I". Why be so stubborn when you could be so adjusting to your parents. Am not advocating for Arranged marriage/love now. But what I do want you readers to think is as to how often do people commit to the relationship of marriage as much as we do with our parents / children? We very well could, but we resort to being stubborn. Why are we so resistant to arranged love?

Can't believe I wrote this crap when I should be attending kutcheries and sharing those experiences with all *grrrrr*

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At Saturday, December 15, 2007 5:49:00 AM, Blogger dharmabum said...

whatever the 'kind' of marriage, i believe, at the end of the day, it is aabout one decision - to make things work.

we're resistant to it coz we don't have the courage to go out and make things work. we want the easy way out - a so called 'lovey-dovey' life, little realising that it only gets as good we we want it to.

At Monday, December 17, 2007 7:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

good post machi...ennavo po, oru maargama dhan pesara vara vara... working out our feelings for someone are we? ;)

more than the post, the very last line- FANTASTIC! modhalla adha pannu.. please.. :)

At Monday, December 17, 2007 9:17:00 AM, Blogger SamY said...

@dharmabum: ** we're resistant to it coz we don't have the courage to go out and make things work

this was what I was questioning :)

@zeppelin: no feelings da, just a random thought. I knoooow that its weird to hear this topic from me. Even I was surprised ;).

** more than the post, the very last line- FANTASTIC! modhalla adha pannu.. please.. :)

u mean kutcheries?

At Tuesday, December 18, 2007 8:45:00 AM, Blogger Arpita said...

We have become less tolerant and impatient. Which makes it hard to take time out to understand the other person.


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