The Disappearing act
When someone disappears from your life and that person happens to be extremely close to you the voidness you feel inside is indescribable. It feels like a part of you is no longer there. As if it were snatched away from you. You feel like you've been torn apart. You feel suffocating and feel like puking even when there is so much air around.
You yearn to speak with that person but you know you can't. You yearn to hear from that person but you know you won't. Happy moments come by and yet without that person to share it with, it just doesn't mean as much. It feels as if you are locked in a coffin alive scuffling for someone to help you out. Your heart feels cold and a sudden chillness prevades your body even on a warm day. You feel like ice crystals are scattered inside of you and they trigger shocks of cold. And you can't do anything about it.
All that remains is the memory of the sweetest of moments they gave to your life and the satiety you got out of seeing that person happy from within. And a longing as to if god would give a second chance to relive those moments in life. Only, going forward you are no longer entitled to that previlige. And if that person had played a big role in shaping you into someone better than who you were then any act in connection reminds you of that person. You look back at the years and your eyes get misty over those wonderful moments in life. And then tears roll down realizing how helpless a situation it is.
All of these memories are etched for eternity and yet we are expected to let go of it all and move on in life :( in the name of being mature. Worse yet, if that person is not gone but just no longer in reach it feels even more terrible :((.
But that is life and I got to live with it.
You yearn to speak with that person but you know you can't. You yearn to hear from that person but you know you won't. Happy moments come by and yet without that person to share it with, it just doesn't mean as much. It feels as if you are locked in a coffin alive scuffling for someone to help you out. Your heart feels cold and a sudden chillness prevades your body even on a warm day. You feel like ice crystals are scattered inside of you and they trigger shocks of cold. And you can't do anything about it.
All that remains is the memory of the sweetest of moments they gave to your life and the satiety you got out of seeing that person happy from within. And a longing as to if god would give a second chance to relive those moments in life. Only, going forward you are no longer entitled to that previlige. And if that person had played a big role in shaping you into someone better than who you were then any act in connection reminds you of that person. You look back at the years and your eyes get misty over those wonderful moments in life. And then tears roll down realizing how helpless a situation it is.
All of these memories are etched for eternity and yet we are expected to let go of it all and move on in life :( in the name of being mature. Worse yet, if that person is not gone but just no longer in reach it feels even more terrible :((.
But that is life and I got to live with it.
Labels: Personal
posted by SamY @ 1/29/2008 07:12:00 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
hey Samy,
Though it is going to sound cliched, I am going to say it : Hang in there. What's painful today will cease to be so bad one year down the line. Fortunately or unfortunately, life brings us newer experiences, new relationships as we carry on...and old ghosts fail to matter in the large scheme of things!:)
I know the feeling Samy. ppl hv such an effect and when they leave it's hard to cope.
Worse, I hv even lost MYSELF..wut d u do then?
Hang in there! its all POSSIBLE if u think u CAN.
Keshi.
If this hurts, am sorry about that and my apologies for that in the beginning itself.
It is you who decide what you would like to do,
when you say - "that you would like to *feel* / *start feeling* upon the absence of somebody" - then that is what you have chosen to do and not the other as you deem it to others.
Because the former one, start worrying about the absence is much more easier than really thinking about whom you would like to think about all the time.
Who is gonna stop / ask you if you transcend to a situation where you train your neurons and cells of the heart that you are *always* with whom you would like to be ? Nobody really...
You dont want to do that because thats quite difficult basically or most of the times it might be difficult and not possible to many - sorry about that.
That is the reason you run to search for a reason that seems to be valid to everybody.
When everybody in the world accepts something to be valid, that need not be *really valid* at all.
Again, its "U" who decide what you would like to do and like to be.
Do you want to revisit and revise your post ?
No doubt really painful...But I feel Time is the Best Councellor!
Best medicine during bad times is patience!
Take care !Keep going!
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