Ignorance is bliss

So many things change in life all of a sudden. This year has been cheerless excepting for my retreat with friends and violin comrades. Got to know he monster in me behind all the frivolity. Anywayz, the point it all these years of my life have made me (in some aspects) into something I detest.

And then something makes you smile. On my errands this morning I saw this little kiddo (can't speak and can only make sounds) around me carried by his/her granddad. The ignorance with which it was trying to grasp the world was such a blissful sight. No hard feelings for anyone, no scheming, no sham and an ethereal smile for everyone :). So intoxicating.

Am pretty doused and people are surprised to find me so weak. If there is one retreat I'd want is to be oblivious to what this world has taught me and live for few days in a childs world. One that just learned to walk ;), hardly able to speak, exploring anything and everything I can lay hands on trying to make sense of it.

I want to be oblivious to the etiquette of life.

I want to say just what I feel at heart hoping people would understand it in the same spirit as when they hear it from a child.

I want to be immune to being hurt much like a child in whom it hardly last a few minutes.

I want to be devoid of any lasting hard feelings for anyone.

I want to be able to heal as quickly as a child.

I want to be able I want to be oblivious to the sex of the other person and be just as frivolous irrespective of their gender.

I just want to look at the world with awe with no pressure, responsibility or liabilities whatsoever. Nothing but for experiencing the bliss of experiencing the world.

I want to hold out my arms ignorantly like a kid to hug anything and everything in this world.

I want my dear ones (no longer alive) to carry me around with me hugging em tight and warm in the chillness of the rains.

I wanna cry to sit one my dads rajdoot and pretend as if I am driving it with coolers on. He he.

I want to live out my mischievous days as a kid. I want to go and let the bundle of thread loose while my mom is busy stitching and run away to the farthest end while her screams fade away. And then slowly sneak into the house cautious of what she would say :D.

I want to go and hide in nook and corners of my house while my mom keeps searching for me to feed me on time. And every time me having to find a new hinding place each time she finds me out ;).

I want to sit beside my grand dad looking in awe at this thing he does called pooja with so many beautifully arranged flowers of all colors and fragrance. And when its time offer to ring the bell for as long as he needs me to.

I want to hold someones little finger while they take me along with them for a walk.

... (on & on & on ... )

If only I could be a little kid for a day or two and experience the world from within in spirit.

Instead I got to live in a world where your expected to be street smart rather than honest, .

Wish I could forget the grotesques of life and live for a while like a kid. *Gosh* I must be really tired of things happening around me :D.