The past always seems like happier times

Yesterday I was waiting outside my office for a shuttle to head back home. Someone had stepped into a Starbucks leaving their retriever tied to a post. The best part of Seattle is the number of dogs you get to see every day.

I was reminded of Simba (a retriever who was just 4.5 year old, who passed away recently), and I was smiling at him for no obvious reason. Yes, I am a sucker for dogs and don't ask me why I don't have one with me as yet!

He looked into me with his inquisitive eyes and the both of us wanting to make the connection. Interestingly, a couple of minutes back I saw a baby on a stroller with those same gleaming eyes. The retriever inched forward a bit expecting me to make my move and perhaps offer him some goodies or simply a hearty rub. I was hesitant to pet this dog without the owner around. Before I could take a picture of him, he had to leave. So you are going to have to imagine him :).

After that, I wondered about how insanely happy I was as a child or for that matter any new born. Look at a baby giggle and you'll notice their happiness in every cell of their body as they jolt themselves in happiness. What happened to that as we grew up?

We've been told and taught to contain our laughter in the name of social propriety. As I pondered more I realized that when I look back at my life, the times that went past always seems like happier than this moment.

I had a wicked awesome childhood, in my own way i.e. I was not a trouble maker like those who can narrate their shenanigans endlessly. But still, my childhood seemed so much more happier than my schooling days. I am fraught with memories of great times at school, and a wide grin just thinking about them. As much as there were petty politics, I would forget,  forgive and move on with a smile and a hug. I have always been less than average at studies. But my grandparents blessed me with a great opportunity to pursue my dreams, even those that they couldn't help me understand. As much as college sucked in certain aspects, I made great friend who help me out in my life to this day. And then the years of struggle to find work close to my heart that made me decide to move away from my parents.

With each passing day of this life, my desires, my so called needs and other measures by which this society gauges a person have grown. With every passing day I only seem to be less happier than the days that have past. My eyes fill with tears as I look back at all those moments in my life that have gone past.

Some day in the future, I will perhaps look back at this moment and smile at it.

It is such moments that make me question my pursuits in life as I slowly realize that none of it will leave me in eternal bliss. Every time I see a dog or a toddler, they remind me of of happiness without any reason.

ovvoru manidhanum thAn nEsippadhai thAne koNdru vidugirAn

sila paer oru muthathAlai. nAn orae oru sollAle.

God bless! (translate this yourself :P)

What did you get for me?

Kids are amazing! I love them coz they are so open, honest and filled with happiness, for the most part unlike we grownups. I'd been to my uncle's place and his younger daughter (6 years old) asks me - "what did you get for me and my sister this time?". I couldn't help but have a happy laughter. Of course my uncle condemned her for asking it.

Then again in a day when she & I were sitting alone watching TV she asks me to get something the next time I come. Ha ha. I felt sooooo happy. And then I asked her what would she like me to get and she says - "I don't knoooow. I liked the dress you got me last time. So just think of something I'd like and GET it for me!". It was an order ;).

Their nagging is one part, but they are so adorable! Until they grow up i.e. Life is so full when we live like a child. Only we choose otherwise since we are "Grownups". Love my cousins!

Realizing it all

First we are told that studies is everything and so we study hard so we can get onto a "dream" job with a "dream" salary. We are told that the world wouldn't be happy with us or treat us well if we don't. And then we work work not quite dedicating time to our families in hopes to see a world that would be happy about us. To prove our worth, so to speak.

Many of us still continue to believe that career is everything and live our lives that way. That having the best education, working in the top companies of the world etc. speaks of who we are. A friend of mine after lots of slogging and working like a dog realized that family matters most. Why? Coz every after he gave it all they said "you can do better". The truth is, the world will never be happy with you.

And this way some of us end up dedicating our lives for our family. And then there are those who have the courage to think that perhaps self is above family and venture into self realization. After all, the plethora and gods, their stories and scriptures are intended to realize the godliness within ourselves and live like gods. For some it takes discontentment in their family life to venture into it.

Its a shame to realize that we spend a lifetime to realize it all despite being bestowed with so much knowledge. We live indulging in the ways of the west only to realize their futility. Better yet, we mock those who have the courage to seek.

Waiting for the perfect moment

I came across this a while back.

A college girl had got her dream scooter from her parents, but she never took it out on the streets. When her friends asked her she said - "I'll wait for the day when all traffic signals are green and then I'll take it out"!

This is how we tend to take life at times don't we? We wait for things to get perfect. Only it never does, and life could have been so much more if only we took chances despite its imperfections. Neither does taking chances guarantee anything, there is no certainty. Only an opportunity. Besides we've just got one life.

Missed opportunity

Life gives you so many opportunities and yet we miss them owing to plain inaction. I guess it is true what they say - Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Am having a neat time here in Chennai and as part of my usual errands I was at HSB Fast Food Ashok Nagar for my breakfast. Like every now-and-then there was a pretty face who I kept eying on for a bit. No harm for I don't remember once having seen the same person again.

As I was bored waiting for my food I turned around at her and noticed her looking in my direction. (I wouldn't wanna get into thinking it was me.) I got my food and I took the same aisle as her but facing the other way for no particular reason. Perhaps to avoid it. Time pass over and I was relishing my breakfast.

And then I noticed her leaving for the wash and I realized it was "The End" as always. But to my surprise it wasn't. She came back for her coffee and this time stood right next to me. And I pretended not to be bothered and finished my pooris slowly and moved on. And I even managed to notice her staring at me for a bit standing just besides.

And then I was done and it was "THE END". For some strange reason I kept wondering why she kept starring at me? I wasn't even wearing any trousers without the zippers on or anything. But it made me wonder if I just missed an opportunity.

Yeah, I stood like an Idiot. Had it been one of my friends they'd have probably tried a pick up line and at least given a try. One of the handicaps of being nerdish.

The good thing is that this incident brought an interest in me for the so called pick-up lines :D. Any pointers? See, I am expanding ;). Only its too late. Darn these fantasies!

An Illusion

adaivadar mun kadugEy AnAlum malayAy kATTi

adainda pin malayEy AnAlum kadugAi kATTum mAya manam

- Ramana Maharishi

Translation: Mind is that illusion which perceives a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as such a seed once it has been attained.

This quote came across my mind as I read the following story:

Once there lived a stone cutter. He was not satisfied with his position in life. One day he was passing through a wealthy merchant's house. Through the gate which was open, he noticed many possessions and important visitors in the merchants's house. He though that the merchant much be very powerful. He became jealous and wished that he could be like the merchant.

To his great surprise, the stone cutter suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined. One day, he was standing on the road when he saw a high official pass by. He was carried in a beautiful chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow down before the procession. He thought, 'How powerful that official is! I wish I could be a high official!'

Then, he became the high official, and he was carried everywhere in his beautiful chair. One day it was extremely hot, and he felt very uncomfortable in the sticky chair. He looked up at the sun. It was so bright and beautiful in the sky. He thought, 'How powerful the sun is! I wish that I could be the sun!'

He became the sun! And he enjoyed his powerful position over everything. One day, a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine of everything below. He was surprised. He thought, 'How powerful that hugh black storm cloud is! How I wish I could be a cloud!

He became the storm cloud, flooding the fields and villages. Soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. He thought, 'How powerful the wind is! I wish to become the wind!'

He became the wind and powerfully blew over the roofs of houses and through forests. Soon, he came across something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it. It was a huge and towering rock. He thought, 'How powerful that rock is! I wish to become the rock!'

Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. He thought, 'What could be more powerful than a rock?'

He looked down and saw a stone cutter far below him!